GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Is it my go? Is it your go? Sometimes I'm goody-goody. Right now I'm naughty-naughty. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
Guys, that huge fire yesterday in a Northeast Portland scrapyard was pretty insane, and spread to an apartment complex destroying eight units. While no humans were injured, numerous pets (including 16 cats) died in the blaze. Also, 2,000 to 4,000 people in the area were evacuated last night due to the unhealthy smoke.
In a BIG loss for road rage idiots who hate bicyclists, a man is ordered by the court to pay $50,000 to a cyclist after he broke his jaw.
The Blazers have now won a mind-boggling 10 games straight, taking down the Miami Heat 115-99. Check out the recap (as well as halftime fan pics) with our b-ball correspondent, Arthur Bradford!
While not completely unexpected, President Trump fired Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and will replace him with CIA Director Mike Pompeo. The president has been crap-talking Tillerson for months (considering the former Russian Order of Friendship recipient to be "too establishment"… HA!) and wanted to make the change now before Trump enters into his possibly (probably) disastrous talks with North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un. Fly away, Rex, and consider yourself lucky.
Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee (helped along by Trump lackey Devin Nunes) have decreed THERE IS NO COLLUSION! Wow, what a relief! I guess we—along with the far more clever Robert Mueller and the CIA and the FBI—were completely wrong this entire time. Welp, that's all I needed to hear... c'mon gang! Let's make #MAGA great again!
COMPLETELY, TOTALLY UNRELATED: Former Trump adviser Roger Stone allegedly met with Wikileaks' creep Julian Assange in 2016 to chat about the release of damaging Democrat emails—even though Stone has repeatedly said he's never met the guy.
Prepare yourself for a shock: President Trump went back on his previous promises for gun control and has sided with the NRA! I KNOW, RIGHT? I'm not ready to say this is a pattern or anything, but am I wrong in thinking that Trump is beginning to seem untrustworthy? (Jeez. My sarcasm is literally dripping this morning. I'll try to dial it back a bit.)
Speaking of gun control, Trump thinks he may have found one of the reasons why mass school shootings happen: Obama-era regulations that protect Black kids! He's rolling them back even though white students have been the ones doing the shooting, and... I know it doesn't make any sense—except for the fact that the president's racist.
John McEntee, another longtime Trump aide, has been fired from the White House due to problems with his security clearance. (Must control sarcasm... must control sarcasm!)
Radar up, guys! There's a special election tonight to replace a shitty Republican congressman in Pennsylvania, and a Democrat has a fair shot to win it.
A San Francisco spokesman for ICE has quit, accusing his agency's chief and Jeff Sessions of lying to conflate the number of undocumented immigrants who escaped during a recent raid.
Britain is giving Russia until midnight tonight to explain why a former Russian spy was attacked with nerve gas that endangered British citizens.
Conductor of the Metropolitan Opera, James Levine, has been shit-canned after it was learned he “engaged in sexually abusive and harassing conduct both before and during the period when he worked at the Met” according to the organization.
Now what about this WEATHER: So long, sun! It's showers, showers, showers and a high of 57.
And finally, OKAY FINE. Tommy Wiseau (director of cult film The Room) has my vote for playing the next incarnation of the Joker. TELL ME I'M WRONG!