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Get this guy all the salmon he wants!
Get this guy all the salmon he wants! MarkMalleson / Getty

Today is the Ides of March. Beware!

Yesterday, thousands of students throughout the country walked out of class in a mass protest against gun violence. Here's Kelly Kenoyer's report from Benson Polytechnic High School. In Seattle, Gov. Jay Inslee showed up at my old high school to attend another walkout.

And here is your new hero, Leonardo Aguilar:


LEONARDO AGUILAR FOR PRESIDENT!

Democrat Conor Lamb has won a contested House race in southwestern Pennsylvania. The district was one Trump won by almost 20 percentage points in the 2016 presidential election; Democrats consider the victory a bellwether for a possible blue wave in more races in November. Republicans are asking for a recount, to which I say: HOW DOES IT FEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL

Today, in space news: Identical twin astronauts Mark Kelly and Scott Kelly took part in a study comparing Scott's DNA with Mark's after Scott spent one year in space. Seven percent of Scott's genes appear to have been affected. Space news!

Today, in lying: At a private fundraiser, your idiot president admitted to covering up his ignorance about trade deficits by making up facts in a meeting with Justin Trudeau.

Creep update: Five women have accused architect Richard Meier of sexual harassment. The details are pretty awful, so click through at your own discretion. He's now on leave from his firm. GOOD.

Maybe don't read this if you're afraid of spiders: The Oregonian has a story about an alleged brown recluse spider bite at McCormick & Schmick's Harborside restaurant. I read it. You don't have to!

Speaking of things you might not want to know: There's a new report on possible ramifications of a major earthquake in Oregon. "The assessment comes in a new report published Thursday by the Oregon Department of Geology and Mineral Industries and includes some stark numbers," reports the Oregonian, here to ruin your day. "In a worst-case scenario, the metro area could see more than $80 billion in building damage, tens of thousands of people wounded or killed and more than 250,000 people facing long-term displacement."

Well, I feel worse! How about you? MOVING ON...

Bet you didn't know Oregon has a state librarian! Well, we don't anymore. She's been fired.

Ariel Hawkins, a Portland woman whose Tinder profile was deleted, has filed suit against the app. Hawkins, who is trans, points out that the profiles of other trans users were similarly deleted. Tinder claims that it isn't banning users based on gender identity, but Hawkins' lawyer says a faulty algorithm easily manipulated by bigots may be responsible.

Tired: Toys R Us is closing up shop after good, long run of action figures and baby registry gifts.

Wired: Washington State's orca recovery plan, which will combine efforts to increase orcas' food supply, insulate orcas from boat traffic, and treat stormwater runoff. Orcas are very smart and I love J Pod, so that makes this the third good news story of the day!

Here's a makeup tutorial for cult leader Dana Loesch. Good morning!