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Whodunit: The Army Corps of Engineers has "lost" approximately 470 gallons of oil from The Dalles Dam—and has yet to admit it prooooobably is in the Columbia River. According to a press release, they're "in the process of determining what happened to the oil."

Home of the Free: A Texas woman who, after serving three years in federal prison for fraud charges, voted in the 2016 general election while on parole has been sentenced to five years in prison for illegally voting. She told a judge Wednesday that she had no idea it was illegal for her to vote at that point—and that she was never told by the federal court, her supervision officer, the election workers or the sentencing judge in her fraud case, that she would not be able to vote in elections. "I was happy enough to come home and see my daughter graduate. My son is about to graduate. Why would I jeopardize that? Not to vote. ... I didn't even want to go vote," she said. America, ya'll.

Brought to You By MailKimp: Adnan Syed, the focus of the first captivating season of "Serial," has been granted a new trial after spending nearly 18 years in prison for the murder of his high school girlfriend. He's maintained his innocence since his 1999 arrest. The Maryland Court of Special Appeals has ruled he received poor counsel during his 2000 trial.

Humanity, Lost: The Trump Administration has changed the past rules on automatically releasing pregnant women from ICE detention. Now, ICE officer will determine a pregnant woman's release on a "case-by-case basis."

Took Long Enough: Austin police chief calls domestic terrorist a domestic terrorist.

Telling Infographic of the Day:

Listen: Black high school students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School spoke out Thursday about how the media coverage of their high school's horrific mass shooting has overlooked their voices and fears. Turns out not everyone feels super comfortable when the number of cops on their high school campus quadruples.

The World is Flat, etc.: The Environmental Protection Agency sent employees a memo with "approved talking points" on climate change this week. Surprising everyone, the eight phrases are riddled with doubt about climate science—and science in general. Example: “Human activity impacts our changing climate in some manner. The ability to measure with precision the degree and extent of that impact, and what to do about it, are subject to continuing debate and dialogue.” EYEROLL.

Aloha, Death With Dignity: With a monumental state Senate vote, Hawaii has become the sixth state (including Oregon) to legalize medically-assisted suicide. Also, today I learned that Hawaii's entire Senate is made up of Democrats.

Your Daily Barf: John Kricfalusi, the creator of Ren & Stimpy, is the latest somewhat famous man accused of sexually assaulting underage girls—teenage fans who he groomed for months. Here's his lawyer's excuse: "The 1990s were a time of mental and emotional fragility for Mr. Kricfalusi." EYEROLL, round two.

I Am Not A Fan: Jim Carrey has been drawing pictures of Donald Trump and they're terrifying.

Dear Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery @NPG, I know it’s early but I’d like to submit this as the official portrait of our 45th President, Donald J. Trump. It’s called, 'You Scream. I Scream. Will We Ever Stop Screaming?' pic.twitter.com/LrCmlXXpv7
— Jim Carrey (@JimCarrey) March 29, 2018