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Faaaaaake Newwwws... Faaaaaake Newwwws... Faaaaaake Newwwws...
"Faaaaaake Newwwws... Faaaaaake Newwwws... Faaaaaake Newwwws..." Courtesy Deadspin

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Oh baby when you talk like that, you make a woman go mad. So be wise (si!), and keep on (si!), reading the signs of my body. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Boyd's Coffee—founded in Portalnd in 1900 (!!)— is closing and laying off 230 people.

The Blazers clinched their fifth consecutive playoff bid with a win against the Memphis Grizzlies, 113-98. Relive the glory with this recap from our Arthur Bradford!

The Timbers finished 2-2 against the Chicago Fire on Tuesday, and our footy correspondent Abe Asher has all the deets.

Meanwhile the Portland Thorns handily took down the Chicago Red Stars, 3-2.

President Trump is on another of his tweet rampages, declaring the DACA deal "dead" and attempting to apply pressure to Mexico to stop the "caravans" of illegal immigrants heading toward the border. (This is an idea he got from, of course, Fox News because he is incapable of independent thought. Also those immigrants are actually from Central America and are heading to the US to seek asylum from their cruel government, rather than, you know, sell drugs and rape and murder.)

According to the Kremlin, on March 20, President Trump invited election meddler Vladimir Putin to the White House—probably to figure out what other favors he can do for him.

China is thumbing its nose at Trump's trade war, imposing tariffs on 128 products from the US.

Protests are continuing against last month's police shooting of Stephon Clark, an unarmed Black man, and this weekend a cop car struck a protester before speeding off. Not a good look.


Fed up with budget cuts, Oklahoma teachers are preparing to stage a walk-out.

OKAY THIS IS CREEPY: The van carrying a Washington state married couple and three of their children in California appears to have been intentionally driven off a cliff, according to authorities. And as details are revealed, the story will probably only get creepier.

ALSO CREEPY IN A DIFFERENT WAY: A new poll reveals that 77 percent of Americans have jumped on board with Trump's (fake) assertion that major news outlets peddle "fake news."

Only slightly related: The conservative Sinclair Broadcasting company—which owns roughly 200 TV stations across the country including Portland's KATU—is forcing anchors to read anti-fake news scripts.


Steven Bochco, the famed TV producer of such classic hits as NYPD Blue, L.A. Law, and Hill Street Blues is dead at the age of 74.


Now what do you say we take a look at the WEATHER: A few showers late in the day and a high of 53!

And finally, this week, please do something with your life. For example, maybe something like this guy and his song, "Blackbeard's Back." It doesn't have to make sense to be awesome.