It’s easy to assume that the CRYSTAL in Cirque Du Soleil CRYSTAL is a reference to ice crystals and ice skating, since the new twist on this world-renowned contortionist/acrobatic show—which opened on Wednesday and which will play through Sunday at Moda Center—is that it includes ice skaters and ice dancers in its multi-talented cast of entertainers. The CRYSTAL in the show’s title, however, refers to the redhead main character, cleverly played by four different performers, whose story of hypothermia/shock-induced hallucination is intended to carry a sort of Lee Ann Womack inspirational meme transformation vibe and I think she learns to write…? IDK I was super high. As is our paper’s tradition, the Mercury sent two fairly stoned writers to watch the new Cirque Du Soleil CRYSTAL and review what we could remember.
Having never been to a Cirque du Soleil show and being somewhat hazy on what was involved, I was tasked with actually reviewing the performance. Another member of the Mercury editorial team also accompanied me. They told people that I made them come along but I most certainly did not. They probably just wanted to smoke weed and look at contortionists and that's perfectly normal! Who else was in the packed seats of the Moda Center but people that were stoned and looking to see something cool?
It would have been pretty easy to vape in the foggy, darkened seats but wedged in between our fellow audience members, as we were, we both admitted to feeling guilty about it.
“I think my vape pen smells nice,” I said, completely lacking objectivity.
Cirque Du Soleil CRYSTAL was so loud that it was easy to carry on a low-tone conversation. Again, I was probably completely devoid of objectivity, but if I was distracting I think any of the 15 people wedged in next to us would have asked me to pipe down.
"That castle, at the back of the ice, looks like every structure behind every Britney Spears concert," my Cirque pal observed astutely. The show was starting!
Artful Upskirt / Redhead Fights?
Cirque du Soleil CRYSTAL begins with a redhead (YES!) feeling ostracized by society (SO TRUE) and out of place (IT’S LIKE THIS IS MY LIFE) so she goes for a little skate (LESS LIKE MY LIFE) and falls through the ice (THAT'S DARK). Before she fell, there was actually a really neat perspective performance of a redhead aerial artist hanging upside down, in the air, above Crystal—mimicking her movements as if she were a reflection on a pond in the sky. At the moment Crystal narratively fell through the ice, the aerial artist fell to the ice. A murmur ran through the crowd because they thought there might be a redhead fight. AGAIN the details are hazy here but it was very cool and I liked it. I’ll watch almost anything if there’s a redhead. Let's be real, though, these are wigs we're talking about.
As the show continued, it became immediately apparent that we were in for a judicious amount of upskirt angles. At one point, Crystal just swings, on a huge swing, above acrobats on the ice below. Juuuuuust swinging. Okay. Following that, there was a longish performance of a clown knocking his cart over and having a hard time picking it up. I signed up for acrobats and contortionists and I should have expected there would be clowns. Behind us a child with a cruel, powerful laugh chortled mirthfully and as long as that child is happy who cares what I think?
Hyper-Masculine Hockey Part
I zoned out for a minute and suddenly Crystal was a writer. Cool! Me too! The narration was simultaneously very loud and hard to understand. During this sequence, images of looping cursive were projected into the ice to symbolize WRITING.
She choose to write about hockey players as a segue to a performance where ice skaters performed sweet ramp jumps and pretended to play hockey. It was obvious this performance was for the dudes out there in the audience because an electric guitar player soloed throughout. He dueled a fiddle player and I had never before realized that the fiddle is absolutely the ancestor of the electric guitar. They are the same instrument.
It's Business Time! / Aerial Acrobatics
Crystal entered a very Jacques Tati-inspired business world which couldn't possibly fulfill her. She ruminated: "If I'm all grown up, who's the someone I can share my now with?" and the ice dancers entered to do romance skates. Having recently watched the Olympics, I was so-so on the ice dancers but an older man sitting to the right of me worked hard to hold in his emotional sniffs.
Kidding aside, there are some awe-inspiring aerial tricks to this show. I would say Cirque Du Soleil CRYSTAL has more astounding aerial performances than it does skate moves. The plot is difficult to parse and probably shouldn't have even been attempted, but the main acrobatic pair at the ending were pretty wonderful. There were times during Cirque Du Soleil CRYSTAL when I wasn't paying attention, and there were times when I thought the Zamboni machine deserved more attention, and there were times when I thought the main character might be turning into a werewolf, but that kid behind me sure had a fun time and the romance skating really touched my elderly seat neighbor's heart. I can't recommend Cirque Du Soleil CRYSTAL but please don't let me ruin your fun.
