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Bzzzt! CLICK! Death to all humanoids.
"Bzzzt! CLICK! Death to all humanoids." Courtesy CNN

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! When you got a girl who takes her time, you must slow the pace, you can't mess with her mind. If she feels the same, she'll let ya know. Just prepare yourself or be ready to go. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The names of the officers involved in the fatal shooting of John Elifritz at a SE homeless shelter have been released by PPB, and at least three have been accused of using excessive force on the mentally ill.

Meanwhile the Oregonian is reporting that, according to a 2007 Portland Monthly article, Elifritz was at one time a white supremacist. (And sorry, but that doesn't make this shooting any less problematic.)

Columbia Sportswear CEO Tim Boyle—who you may remember pitched a big baby fit over homeless people outside his downtown store—is now seemingly changing his tune and pitching in with developer Homer Williams to bankroll a new homeless shelter.

Smug butthole/House Speaker Paul Ryan will not be seeking reelection according to colleagues, in order to "spend more time with his children" and not have his ass handed to him by angry voters in the mid-terms.

Meanwhile, after refusing to say a single disparaging word about Putin or Russia during his entire presidency, Trump is suddenly going super aggro, threatening to fire "nice and new and smart" missiles at Syria, and chastising Russia's involvement with them.

Oh, and by the way, we now know that Trump tried to shut down the Mueller investigation a second time, in December.

The FBI raid on Trump lawyer Michael Cohen's office was reportedly to look for documents about payments made to two women who were allegedly silenced after their affairs with the president. (There were also some reported shenanigans involving Trump's fave tabloid, the National Enquirer.)

And if this day is not already weird enough...

Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg is facing a second day of congressional hearings in which he will undoubtedly apologize again for the site's invasion of its users privacy, and teach Congress how to use the internet.

Singer Mariah Carey has revealed that she has lived with bipolar disorder for years.

Comedian TJ Miller has been arrested for calling authorities to report a bomb on a train. (There was no bomb on the train, and his reasoning for doing so is very suspect.)

And now, let's peep at the WEATHER: This very showery week continues today with a high of 53.

And finally, please enjoy this excellent mashup trailer that combines A Quiet Place with The Office—and offers a horrifying glimpse at Dwight's beet farm.