Wapato Jail
Wapato Jail Multnomah County

Good morning, Portland!

It's Friday the 13th! I don't have strong feelings about this. But maybe you do!


Sheriffs, They're Just Like Us: A photo of an Oregon sheriff has been circulating the internet thanks to his ex—and we'll let the Oregonian describe it to you: "[He's] without pants on, thrusting his pelvis toward the camera, with his genitals covered in a sticker that reads "Lit Saturday."

Wapato Sold: Multnomah County Commissioners have decided to sell the never-used jail at the low low price of $5 million (I'm serious, this is really not that much money in this instance). But! We still have seven days until the sale is finalized, meaning a week for Commissioner Loretta Smith—who really wants Wapato to be a homeless sheleter—to make one last attempt to overhaul the plan.

Retained: The wife of John Elifritz, the man fatally shot by Portland officers last Saturday at a Southeast homeless shelter, has obtained a lawyer. She won't say why, yet, be we sense a lawsuit's on the horizon.

About the TPP...: Remember when Prez Trump pull the US from the Trans-Pacific Partnership immediately after entering the White House? Yeah. It looks like he may be doubting that call. I know this is shocking coming from a guy who is very true to his word.

Mobster-in-Chief: In former FBI Director James Comey's tell-all memoir, he describes the White House as an environment 100 percent built on lies. And then some. Interacting with Trump, Comey writes (according to WaPo), gave him “flashbacks to my earlier career as a prosecutor against the Mob. The silent circle of assent. The boss in complete control. The loyalty oaths. The us-versus-them worldview." Also, it appears Trump doesn't know what "calligrapher" means.

Meanwhile, in Post-Apocalyptic UK: Five people were arrested in Britain for holding a massive illegal rave in an abandoned Toys "R" Us.

Pedal Power: Saudi Arabia just held it's first ever all-lady bicyclist race! Of course, many people are saying dumb things about it. Like: "A woman can be seductive and getting on a bicycle reveals all her attractive parts to men."

Concerning: Two-thirds of millennials don’t know what Auschwitz is. Twenty-two percent of 'em polled said they haven’t even heard of the Holocaust.

'Bout Time: Comedy Central investigates whether or not Alex Jones is being played by a crisis actor.