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I, Anonymous is the column where YOU write your most secret confessions and insane rants—anonymously! Sure, it's a great way to get stuff off your chest, but it's also a way for you to become FAMOUS—anonymously. The best rants or confessions are chosen to be featured in the print edition of the Mercury (read weekly by hundreds of thousands), and if it's especially interesting/crazy/well-written it's picked for inclusion in the I, Anonymous podcast (a monthly comedy show hosted by Portland's funniest person, Caitlin Weierhauser—join us WEDNESDAY MAY 2 for our next show) that has a potential listenership of MILLIONS! So submit your great anonymous story here!

Want to know what kind of I, Anonymous submissions are chosen for print and our podcast? Here's a classic submission from the I, Anonymous vault.

Dear Squirrel Murderers

Dear neighbors a few houses down: From my back porch I can see both of you, putting peanuts on the road around rush hour. The squirrels get run over, you shovel them into a bucket, and then disappear. What the hell are you two doing with all those dead squirrels? Taxidermy? Making pot pies? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for it. I hate squirrels. Just curious, that’s all!—Anonymous

Got a good secret/rant/sexy confession? Submit yours here!