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Happy Eruption Anniversary, Mount St. Helens!
Happy Eruption Anniversary, Mount St. Helens! InterNetwork Media

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Not to say that I'm in love with you, but who's to say that I'm not? I just know that it feels wrong when I'm away too long, it makes my body hot. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

A Gresham man was fatally shot by police last night, making it the second Portland area cop shooting of the week.

Stormy Daniels' appearance at a Bend strip club last night was delayed due to lost luggage, which the organizers are calling a "deep state conspiracy." HAW HAW. She's scheduled to perform Saturday at the Stars Cabaret in Bridgeport.

The terror of cowardly gun owners continue: Multiple fatalities are being reported this morning from a Southeast Texas high school shooting. The assailant is apparently in custody—though info at this time is sketchy. Stay tuned.

OH SO RELATED: "There has been, on average, one school shooting every week this year."

Also related: A man was arrested after firing shots at one of Trump's golf clubs. (The location, not the actual clubs.)

Trump continues his attempts to undercut Mueller's investigation into his obvious criminality—this time by claiming that a secret informant had spied on his 2016 campaign.

Today in "No Shit, Sherlock":


The Trump administration is also continuing their attacks on women and women's health, threatening to pull federal funding from clinics that provide abortions or referrals (like Planned Parenthood).

Bill Gates has some interesting takeaways from his discussions with the president... like, that Trump apparently doesn't know the difference between HIV and HPV.

The dickhead NYC lawyer who hurled racist slurs at a deli is getting dragged on the internet, evicted from his office, and now getting formal complaints filed against him in court.


Good news for headache-havers: The FDA has approved the first drug to prevent migraines.

HOT ROYAL WEDDING NEWS: Since her dad is out of commission, Meghan Markle will be "given away" by the groom's father, Prince Charles! Oh my god, thank heavens a man was there to provide this invaluable service of patriarchal ownership!

Now how about this WEATHER: Clouds give away to sun today with a high of 70 and a pretty nice weekend ahead!

And finally... OH GODDAMMIT.