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When in doubt, blame the Ambien.
When in doubt, blame the Ambien. Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty Images Entertainment

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! That nasty boogie bugs me, but somehow it has drugged me. Spellbound rhythm gets me on my feet. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Amtrak police are still insisting that the gay PSU student who was beaten, burned, and left for dead next to the tracks was suicidal. Hmmm... these guys might need to go back to Amtrak police school.

Here's more information about the hit-and-run suspect who struck three women at PSU last week.

A judge rules that a Hillsboro high school must let one of their dumb students wear a dumb (and racist!) pro-Trump T-shirt. (This looks like a job for INTERNET JUSTICE™.)

According to the daughter of the victim, a Northeast Portland man was repeatedly stabbed for asking a homeless person to leave the area.

Local chef Jenn Louis announced yesterday that she is putting her critically beloved restaurant Ray up for sale.

AS I'VE TOLD EVERYONE ON NUMEROUS OCCASIONS, Roseanne Barr is a terrible RACIST. And now, after tweeting yet more racism, her stupid show (that never should have been on in the first place) has been canceled. And today, to the shock of not a single person, Roseanne is blaming everyone (including her castmates and Ambien??) instead of her racist self.


Missouri Gov. Eric Greitens announced yesterday that he will resign after being stone-cold busted for various scandals (including both financial and sexual). Meanwhile a petrified GOP, who are already facing a potentially horrible midterm election, breathe a heavy sigh of relief.

Trump's monstrous "zero tolerance" policy is getting worse and worse for the immigrant families it's targeting, as the number of children who have been taken from their parents has jumped 21 percent since last month.

Today in even more Obstruction of Justice: In March, after suffering the silent treatment from the president, AG Jeff Sessions flew to Trump to ask him an important policy question. Trump responded by ignoring the question, and instead scolded Sessions for recusing himself from the Mueller investigation. He then asked the AG to un-recuse himself because he needed a loyalist running the investigation.

Mmmmmm... has anyone else noticed that we haven't seen Melania Trump in, like, two weeks? Since she underwent a "routine surgery"? LET THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES COMMENCE!


Now, let's peep today's WEATHER: A very pleasant day with a high of 69, and more pleasant days to come!

And finally, you might not want to fuck with this totes buff cat.