I, Anonymous is the column where YOU write your most secret confessions and insane rants—anonymously! Sure, it's a great way to get stuff off your chest, but it's also a way for you to become FAMOUS—anonymously.

The best rants or confessions are chosen to be featured in the print edition of the Mercury (read weekly by hundreds of thousands), and if it's especially interesting/crazy/well-written it's picked for inclusion in the I, Anonymous podcast (a monthly comedy show hosted by Portland's funniest person, Caitlin Weierhauser—join us on JUNE 13 for our next show) that has a potential listenership of MILLIONS! So submit your great anonymous story here!

Want to know what kind of I, Anonymous submissions are chosen for print and our podcast? Here's a classic submission from the I, Anonymous vault.

You're a Jackass—and Thanks Anyway

Fifteen years ago, give or take a week, I was riding the bus and I caught the guy across the aisle checking me out. Being young and naive, I politely engaged in conversation with him, and it turned out that we had a lot in common. Even when I tried to scare him away by announcing my plan to stop at an army surplus store to buy a knife on my way home, he was thrilled and offered to join me. As we stood up to exit the bus, some jackass in the seat behind us yelled out, "Hey, can I come to the wedding?" Well, jackass, I never looked back to see your face, but I want you to know that you're invited. Two weeks from today, we are getting married. Thanks for seeing what neither of us could even imagine on that day.—Anonymous

Got a good rant and or confession? Submit yours here!