Saturday Night Live at Providence Park. Star studded and hella fun!
Saturday Night Live at Providence Park. Star studded and hella fun!

The Portland Thorns made a two-goal comeback to tie the Chicago Red Stars 2-2 on Saturday night. HOLY HOT DAMN—WE GOT OURSELVES A PLAYOFF PRESS!

This was the Thorns first home game in over a month and fans were absolutely MANIACAL about their return. RED SMOKE MADNESS! I for one have been looking forward to this match. Sure, the summer has been great (wildfire smokey and white wine spritzer heavy) out here in Portland—but nothing beats a summer Saturday with a Thorns game to prep for! I fell right back into my pre-home game routine with house chores and an overly emotional viewing of a movie. Nothing, and I mean nothing, fuels a star-studded forceful female sporting event than a handful of HARD CRIES WHILE WATCHING Steel Magnolias.

OMG, when they are at the graveyard and MLnn looses her shit. I CANT KEEP IT TOGETHER! And neither can the RED STARS.
OMG, when they are at the graveyard and M'Lnn loses her shit. I CAN'T KEEP IT TOGETHER! And neither can the RED STARS.

HIGH STEAKS AND POTATOES
Just like the Thorns, the Chicago Red Stars are also in close contention for the playoffs. Currently, after this match, the Red Stars are in the fourth position with 31 points and the Thorns just above with 33 points. So TECHNICALLY, if the postseason started tomorrow, they would still be in the running. BIG FAT BOOTY BUT—that fourth spot is a tough one. The team in the fourth position will have to face undefeated North Carolina in the semifinal, and—GULP—did I mention that they have not lost one game this season (I literally just said they were undefeated... please keep up.) The last time the North Carolina Courage lost a game it was to the Thorns, in last year's championship.

GAME TIME
The first half of the game was reminiscent of last year’s Thorns play. Defensive, tentative, and safe. I brought a good friend who had never been to a soccer game and she boldly commented, “The other team seems to have the ball a lot—when will we do something? Can I smoke here? These seats are not as uncomfortable as I thought they would be.”

The can of wine is great but why cant you smoke?
"The can of wine is great but why can't you smoke?"

She had a good time—but we ALL had a GREAT time in the second half. Sure, it was tough waiting in that beer line at halftime after Chicago’s Australian sensation Sam Kerr scored two goals. But in the 60th minute Thorns Jedi master Tobin Heath got her head on the ball and ripped the net for a goal! DRINK THE JUICE, SHELBY! THE THORNS ARE REJUVENATED!

Determined. Ready. Hangry for goals.
Determined. Ready. Hangry for goals. Photo courtesy of Portland Thorns FC

Then in the 69th minute, Christine Sinclair blasted one past Red Star and US National Team Goalie Alyssa Naeher for a second and game-tying goal. SOMEBODY CALL THE 911! WE HAVE AN EXTREME CASE OF THE COMEBACKS!

Stop. Drop. AND GOAL! Sinc does it again!
Stop. Drop. AND GOAL! Sinc does it again! Photo courtesy of Portland Thorns FC

QUICK TURNS
The Thorns play at home again on Wednesday night when they take on Sky Blue New Jersey. Phew, this team hasn’t won a game this whole season. The last time the Thorns played Sky Blue, they won 2-1, but like I said before, THERE AIN’T NO GUARANTEES at this point in the season. The Thorns have got to keep that second half stride up to make these last three games of their regular season. Just two more at Providence Park! Get your tickets here!