One C-note will get you a cup of coffee and an eighth of weed.
One C-note will get you a cup of coffee and an eighth of weed. eldadcarin / Getty Images

Earlier this week, two of my oldest and dearest friends headed to San Francisco for a vacation, and reached out to ask which dispensaries should they check out.

Last year, I wrote a two-column series about California's cannabis scene, in which I looked at what was happening in both Northern and Southern California. I'm headed back down next month, and will be taking a look at how things have shaped up in the year since. I'm excited to reconnect with friends I made on my last trip, and to make some new ones while checking out new strains and dispensaries.

I'm expecting some sticker shock with their state cannabis taxes that can hit 40 percent, and unless I get the illicit marketplace hook-up, I don't expect to see anything close to the $40-100 ounces that I can easily find in Oregon's dispensaries.

But there is one dispensary I will be avoiding as though they give you a free punch in the face with every purchase. I present to you the jaw-dropping prices of San Francisco's Barbary Coast dispensary, and their inexcusable offering—the $93 eighth of weed.

Hopefully your keyboard, lap, or cat isn't covered with beverage from a well-deserved spit take. And no, that is not a typo. The dispensary is charging $26.57 per gram. Let that sink in for a bit, and as you are most likely a fellow 'murican taught in our world-class public educational system, allow me to extrapolate and inform you that means they are asking a mere $744 per ounce, or $11,904.00 per pound.

Friends, this is what you pay for weed when you are incarcerated. (Never mind how I know that—mind your own damn business.)

"Is this a strain from space?" No, it is not. That's not a thing, and I'm concerned you would even ask. The strain is called "GMO Cookies," and Leafly says that it is a cross between Girl Scout Cookies and Chemdawg that is about 90 percent indica and "is celebrated for its ability to relieve pain without putting you to bed in the process."

At nearly $12K a pound, I expect the strain to do much more in bed than simply put me there.

"Does it have a THC content of 85 percent?" Again, that's not a thing. While I'm not a number chaser, it clocks in at a respectable but hardly earth-shaking 18.9 percent.

After reviewing their full menu, it's clear the prices at Bank-Robbery Coast are about as high as I get on a 1000-mg cookie. There are eight types for $75 an eighth (AKA the $600 ounce), 16 strains that range from $45 to $70 per eighth (with some clocking in at 10.6 percent THC), and their bargain basement offerings, two strains at $20 per eighth with about 10 percent THC.

If you find yourself with an upcoming trip to the Bay Area, may I suggest that you stop in at Barbary Coast and ask to see this Miracle Marijuana, and when it is presented for your consideration, ask the following questions:

• "Does it come with a free drink? Because when someone is trying this hard to fuck me, I expect they will at least buy me a drink first."
• "Where is your mask? It seems like if you are gonna rob people, you should be wearing some sort of mask, right?"
• "I'm sorry, I must be having a massive stroke, because it sounded like you said this stuff is $93 an eighth. That can't be right. Sorry, so how much is it really?"
• "I hear this strain is good to help with sleep. Is that how you manage to sleep at night?"

Look, I get it's really expensive to live and operate a business in San Francisco. The rent is waaaaaaaaay too damn high, and these are challenging times for cannabis businesses in California. But no. Just... no. There is no cannabis on the planet worth nearly $12,000 a pound, and yes, I will fight you to defend that position.

Long live Oregon cannabis.