Feasts Night Market 2017
Feast's Night Market 2017 PHOTOS BY ALAN WEINER FOR FEAST

On Monday, Eater published a comprehensive compendium of all the Feast events that have yet to sell out. Today, we’re narrowing that list down to the top four events you should go to if you have the time, money, and motivation, with tips on how to navigate each one. (It was gonna be the top five events, but Brunch Village sold out of tickets while this listicle was being written. IOW: Act fast.)

‘80s vs. ‘90s
When: 6 pm, Thursday, September 13.
What: This is an inaugural event. All we know is that it pits delicacies of the 1980s versus those of the 1990s. So expect E-Z Cheese? Either way, it kicks off the festival and it’s certain to have some cool show-stopping ideas.
Cost: $125
How to Do It: Participating kitchens often dress thematically, as do guests, so have at it. But as someone who’s spent his formative years in both decades, beware of those high-wasted acid-washed jeans, kids. They’re not—and never were—cool. Mine even had hip-level Hammer flair and a built-in denim belt. My therapist says it’s not my fault, but it was. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Burn those jeans.

Grand Tasting
When: 1 pm, Friday, September 14
What: Held at Pioneer Square, the Grand Tasting is your best bet to get up close and personal with local and national artisans, so it’s an excellent way to explore what could be the next big thing.
Cost: $75
How to Do It: There’s gonna be a lot to sample, but don’t feel pressured to sample all of it. Trust. The very idea of Feast is indulgence, but your body can process only so much cheese before it turns you into a mindless somnambulant. Oh, but DO sample the collabo-beers from KEX.

Basically Bar Trivia
When: 4 pm, Friday, September 14
What: It’s trivia, but with celebuchefs. What could be less snobby/more snobby that showing everyone how smart you are?
Cost: $35
How to Do It: It’s the least spendy event on the remaining schedule. And you’ll be fed snacks while you compete. You don’t even need a date, as teams will be assigned randomly. In fact, you might very well leave with a date if you play your cards right.

Big Feast in Little China
When: 6 pm, Friday, September 14
What: A whole lot of locals and nationals are gathering to showcase their own personal spin on the literally countless versions of Chinese cuisine, including Brandon Jew (San Francisco’s Mister Jiu’s) and our very own Kyo Koo (Danwei Canting) and Jasper Shen (XLB).
Cost: $135
How to Do It: For this event, disregard the aforementioned previous tone of culinary caution. If you see a dumpling, eat it. This one's gonna be good.