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No Florences allowed.
No Florences allowed. Joe Raedle / Getty Images

Good morning, Portland! It's going to be a Classic Portland™ day with temps in the 60s and 30 percent chance of rain. 'Bout time. Here's some news to start your day:

Not a Classic Carolina™ Day: Hurricane Florence is spiraling towards the coasts of North and South Carolina, and is expected to make landfall within 24 hours. While the hurricane has been downgraded from a Category 4 to a Category 2, forecasters are more worried about Flo lingering on the coastline and prompting ocean surges and flooding. Hunker the hell down, ya'll.

Heavy Flo: The pending arrival of Aunt Flo has flooded the internet with menstruation jokes. Fun? Speaking of witches (because women, get it?) televangelist Pat Robertson cast a spell on the hurricane yesterday. It's still coming.

Hurricane Drumpf: Donald Trump is drowning in his own bullshit again, baselessly claiming that 3,000 Americans "did not die" in Puerto Rico during and after Hurricane Maria. They did. And it was entirely his fault. Meanwhile, our boy Sen. Jeff Merkley is still riding high after revealing yesterday that Trump diverted $10 million from FEMA to fund ICE.

Today in Positive Storm News: The Seattle Storm wins the WNBA championships!

Today in the Resistance: Last year, a Virginia woman was forced out of her government contracting job for flipping off the president's motorcade. Now, she's running for office. That's what's up.

Coming to America: Asylum-seeking immigrants are finally being released from Oregon's Sheridan prison—after being inexplicably held for months. What happens now?

Put a Square on It: The New York Times sneaks a Portland story into their architecture section, featuring a couple that stuck a bunch of square window-rooms in the middle of a historic Southeast Portland Craftsman house. It reminded Portland grumps (like us) why we're unimpressed by wealthy newcomers.

About Those Renter Protections: Real talk about the gaps in city council's regulations meant to protect Portland tenants.

Sanctuary Sports: The CEOS of Nike and Columbia Sportswear have taken a stand against Oregon's anti-immigrant Measure 105 in the state voter guide.

Here's an Adorable Thing: