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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Flip it, flip it, I'll show you how to dip it. I ain't Willow, but I'll show you how to whip it. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

The city, feds, and police union agree—they say it's too late to give a new group of mental health advocates any say-so in Portland's federally required police reforms.

Former Oregon candidate for governor Chris Dudley is stepping up for his old pal (and accused sexual assaulter) Brett Kavanaugh and claiming that he never saw the SCOTUS nominee drinking any more than any other college kid. Also, drinking doesn't excuse sexual assault no matter how much one does it... sooooooo I'm not sure what his point is?

Many other people are lining up to poke holes in Kavanaugh's "choir boy" image he tried to project in that very friendly Fox News interview.

Trump is certainly not helping Kavanaugh's chances of becoming a Supreme Court judge, as he can't stop slamming the second woman accusing the nominee of sexual assault. (But don't worry, she's pushing back.) Meanwhile GOP Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska is wavering in her support, and the 11 male senators are so terrified of the optics of grilling Christine Blasey Ford on Thursday, they've hired what they call a "female assistant"—Arizona Special Victims division lawyer, Rachel Mitchell. Here's what's known about her so far, and it'll be interesting to learn why the GOP chose her in particular. In the meantime, Republicans are refusing to investigate the accusations any further and are ready to ram a vote through on Friday morning—regardless of what happens in their kangaroo court tomorrow.

And right when I was publishing this, a new Kavanaugh accuser comes forward:


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In "it's about goddamn time" news: Bill Cosby has been sentenced to three to ten years in prison for sexually assaulting one of many women. Meanwhile a Cosby spokesman was providing absolutely no help for Kavanaugh when he said that both the comedian and SCOTUS nominee were victims of a "sex war."

While telling a blatant lie in front of the UN general assembly yesterday, Trump was somehow surprised when the crowd of world leaders laughed at him. (Not with him... at him.)

Remember Monday when everyone panicked about Rod Rosenstein either resigning or being fired? His meeting with Trump is still supposedly on for tomorrow, but insiders say he's probably safe until after the midterms.

A Reuters poll says that voters in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Ohio, Michigan, and Indiana are more likely to swing toward Democratic candidates in response to Trump's bullshit policies.

A group of activists heckled and chased Ted Cruz out of a restaurant, because pieces of human slime don't get to eat in public.

Check out this Washington Post article on beloved Portland author Chelsea Cain's return to the comics biz, and how she defeated the internet trolls.

Hey, party people... IT'S WEATHER TIME: Expect a warm, sunny day with highs hopping up to the mid-80s!

And finally, ICYMI, here's Will Smith celebrating his 50th birthday by bungee jumping out of a helicopter into the Grand Canyon. I reluctantly enjoyed this.