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Good morning, Portland! Here's some news to start your day:

That Was Fast: The FBI's limited, whirlwind investigation into sexual assault allegations against Brett Kavanaugh has apparently come to a close. Thanks to budget cuts (and paranoia), the FBI only printed one copy of their findings, meaning each member of the US Senate (not just members of the Senate Judiciary Committee) has to schedule a time to sit in a top-secret room and read it. The White House has read the report and is certain it won't stall Kavanaugh's confirmation process any longer than it already has. The Senate is expected to hold the confirmation vote tomorrow.

Where Your Bros At, Brett?Nearly 1,000 law professors across the US have signed a letter to the Senate stating that Kavanaugh lacks the “judicial temperament” necessary to sit on the U.S. Supreme Court.

Oh, And: Donald Trump didn't "mock" Christine Blasey Ford earlier this week—he just "stated the facts." Um.

Today in Real Talk: Here's a somber essay published in the Atlantic that explains why Trump & his cronies get high on cruelty. "Trump’s only true skill is the con; his only fundamental belief is that the United States is the birthright of straight, white, Christian men, and his only real, authentic pleasure is in cruelty."

South Carolina Shooting: Seven law enforcement officials were shot, one fatally, in South Carolina last night, while serving a search warrant at a private residence. After a two-hour standoff, officers were able to coax the (white) shooter drop his weapon and peacefully surrender.

Wheeler gets ICEd: A lawyer representing the ICE union has sent letters to the federal and state departments of justice demanding a criminal investigation into Mayor Ted Wheeler, accusing Wheeler of putting politics before public safety during this summer's Occupy ICE protests.

Publish or Perish: A number of scholars, including a professor at PSU, submitted dozens of fake social science studies to peer-reviewed journals across the US to expose serious flaws and political biases in certain social science disciplines, like gender studies, sexuality studies, race studies, and critical theory. It worked.

This Is Horrifying: A Multnomah County grand jury handed down 23 charges yesterday against a man accused of kidnapping, sexually assaulting, torturing and murdering an 89-year-old woman.

This is Also Horrifying: Deputies and medical staff at the Clackamas County Jail are facing federal wrongful death charges for failing to administer medical aid to an inmate overdosing on meth. Instead, deputies filmed and laughed at the overdosing inmate.

Fraud With That Shake? Anyone who used a credit card at Burgerville within the last year may be at risk as the company reels from a massive cyber attack. Another reason to boycott Burgerville?

Cops on Campus: Today's the first PSU Board of Trustees meeting since a grand jury failed to indict two campus police officers who shot and killed Jason Washington in June. PSU's expecting lengthy public testimony and discussion about public safety rules on campus. I'll be there if you want to follow along.