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Behold the lies that keep dribbling out of my mouth like rancid split pea soup.
"Behold the lies that keep dribbling out of my mouth like rancid split pea soup." CHIP SOMODEVILLA / STAFF / GETTY

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Love ain't always the way they write in books. See, there's the good guys, and also heartbreak crooks. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

In yesterday's pretrial hearing for accused MAX murderer Jeremy Christian, his defense attorney sought to limit the jury from seeing excessive grisly images of the murder victims, fearing they would be unduly influenced by what they saw. THAT IS A REASONABLE FEAR. ALSO, SHOW 'EM ALL THE PHOTOS.

One person is dead and another injured in a shooting last night at the Glass House Tavern in Northeast Portland.

The results of PBOTs e-scooter survey are in, and yes, scooter riders know they are legally bound to wear helmets, and NO, they won't be wearing them under any circumstances. (Hey, if this gambit works, we should all stop paying taxes!)

Fancy Oscar-winning director Guillermo del Toro is shooting his next film—an animated version of Pinocchio—right here in Portland! Swoon!

The owners of Oregon's not-so-sweet Sweet Cakes by Melissa bakery, who declined to make a cake for a lesbian couple, is petitioning the Supreme Court to overturn the state's ruling against them.

White nationalist troll Joey Gibson and his band of Patriot Prayer idiots say they will return to Vancouver's Clark College on Wednesday to "educate" the students on the importance of putting guns in the hands of idiots.

In a squeaker of a game, the Washington Wizards barely beat out our Blazers last night, 125-124. Check out the recap (and lots of halftime fan photos) from our bucket busting correspondent, Arthur Bradford.

President of Turkey Recep Tayyip Erdogan is spilling all the tea on the brutal murder and dismemberment of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi, describing in detail how a team of Saudi officials carried out the killing.

Trump is using racism and bald-face lies about the migrant caravan moving north through Central America to stoke fear and energy in his gullible, racist base.

In news that will not surprise you in the least (and yet is still shocking): A man accused of groping women on a flight said that “the President of the United States says it’s okay to grab women by their private parts.”

RELATED: An explosive device was found in the mailbox of a home owned by wealthy liberal donor George Soros—a favorite target of the far right.

The midterm elections are 14 days away, and according to a new poll, Democrats in battleground states have only the slightest of leads over their garbage Republican counterparts. (Get your friends and relatives off their asses in other states and tell 'em to VOTE.)

Retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor—the first woman appointed to the court—has announced she's withdrawing from public life after being diagnosed with the early stages of dementia.

Comedian Sarah Silverman apologizes for comments she made justifying the nonconsensual masturbatory behavior of gross person Louis C.K.

Now let's look skyward to the WEATHER: So long sunshine! Showers coming on late today with a high of 64!

And finally, this is me coming out of a relaxing and fun weekend, and then reading the news.