Would you buy cannabis stock from this man?
Would you buy cannabis stock from this man? NICI Investors
In April, I wrote about the original Mango Monster, avid skin-bronzer lover, and former Speaker of the House John Boehner, and how in certain circles he was being welcomed with much ado—because after decades of opposing cannabis (and decency), Boehner had a "revelation" and came on board as a pro-cannabis advocate by joining the Board of Directors of Acreage Holdings, a huge, vertically integrated cannabis company based in New York. "I’m convinced de-scheduling the drug is needed so we can do research, help our veterans, and reverse the opioid epidemic ravaging our communities," Boehner implored, listing some good reasons for the about-face of his faulty position on cannabis. And by faulty, I mean Boehner earned a well-deserved "zero percent" from NORML on legalization, meaning he has historically been opposed to "all forms of marijuana decriminalization."

This week, another fine piece from Marijuana Moment brings attention to an infomercial of Boehner shilling for the National Institute for Cannabis Investors, or NICI.

NICI wants you to invest into the cannabis market, and says you can somehow profit from doing so. You do like money, right? Because NICI does—as they state, "Our Sole Mission Is to Help You Transform Into a Marijuana Millionaire!"

That sounds swell! Thank you for making my financial transformation the sole mission of your fine company! How will this come about? Is it prayer? It's prayer, isn't it?

Actually, as NICI explains, "We’re going to leverage our board members’ intelligence gathering - their business connections - and their political connections. Every time there’s an opportunity to make big money in this industry, you’ll hear about it first, before the rest of the world gets clued in. Literally, every cannabis stock we’ll bring you has the potential to deliver a 1,000%+ windfall."

A one thousand-plus percent windfall, you say (slightly confusingly)? Go on...

NICI draws the completely legit and in no way speculative or unlikely comparison between Airbnb and Uber, showing that a simple $100 investment in these companies would have garnered you $2 million and $3 million, respectively. But you didn't invest in either, because you are an unconnected, poorly informed nobody. Don't worry, NICI is going help you out! You simply need to give them between $39 to $129, and they will send you reports, videos, investment packages, and the opportunity to go to their annual retreat for a cocktail party! Wow!

Bud-loving Boehner and NICI produced an hourlong endurance test of a video touting vague ideas for what these investments look like, which Marijuana Moment (citing Seeking Alpha) reports included insider tidbits such as: "One company manufactures the plastic containers in which retail marijuana is packaged. Another makes legal CBD oil—because, as Boehner said, he’d 'think twice' before offering someone medical cannabis with more than 0.15 percent THC. Yet another could 'help end our devastating opioid epidemic.'”

(Translation: "I have one word—are you listening? Plastics." Also CBD withTHC is bad, okay? Boehner knows, having studied that issue for, like, months. Also, there's probably some way to profit from getting people off opiates by using cannabis... probably.)

Cannabis has become a commodity, and investment "stra-tegeries" such as this are becoming all the more common. Still, if you are seeking to invest in cannabis, might I suggest looking for opportunities with smaller craft producers? There may not be an annual cocktail party involved, but you can support a local business looking to grow both weed and profits, all Boehner-free.