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Good morning, Portland! We're starting off the week with a glorious high of 51 degrees and 19 mph winds. FUN? FUN!

Respecting Our Vets: Donald Trump decided against visiting a French cemetery for World War I soldiers on Veteran's Day because it was raining. He also will not be visiting Arlington National Cemetery today to honor US veterans, a tradition followed by presidents before him. Oh, and this:

(Here's where the national races with still uncounted ballots stand)

California's Burning: Flames from the Woosley and Camp fires have engulfed two huge swaths of California, killing more than 30 people and leaving hundreds homeless (including Miley Cyrus, Neil Young, and Gerard Butler). The fire's forced the town of Thousand Oaks to evacuate just 24 hours after being hit by a horrifying mass shooting. In the words of one resident, "It really can't get much worse." Here's how you can help the fire's victims.

Headline of the Day: "Merkel and Macron got along so well in Paris that a 100-year-old woman thought they were married." THIS is how you judge the relationship between two countries.

Pressing Back: Democrats in Congress have announced they will investigate Donald Trump over whether he used “state power” to punish media outlets like CNN and the Washington Post.

Portland Proud: The New York Times Magazine published a powerful piece about the rise of white nationalism in the United States and the inability for law enforcement to stop these groups. Portland's mentioned for having officers who've relied on white nationalist groups to help them arrest left-wing protesters. Great publicity, ya'll.

People Are Garbage: A woman biking along the 1-205 bike path was injured after a number of strings tied up across the path cut into her neck and face. Police tracked down and arrested the three men (yup, grown-ass adults) responsible for setting this fucked up booby trap.

Protesting Protest Rules: Last week, lawyers, city officials, and other members of the public denounced Mayor Ted Wheeler's newly proposed limitations to protests. Here's why.

ICYMI: Patriot Prayer's Joey Gibson wants you to buy him a car. Because, freedom.

Today in SNL Apologies: