Crafty Wonderland
If you’re feeling guilty for purchasing GARBAGE gifts for your loved ones every holiday season, there’s a quick and fun cure: Crafty Wonderland. The annual celebration of everything crafty and DIY returns to the Convention Center with over 250 vendors selling really good handmade goods: hats, action figures, art, wallets, jewelry, pins, T-shirts, bowties for cats, slingshots, and thousands more super fun and original gifts will be on display. So go, buy, and stop disappointing your loved ones, already! (Sat-Sun 11 am, Oregon Convention Center, free, all ages) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

Rosanne Cash
Over the past four decades, Rosanne Cash has quietly made one of the most consistent careers in country music. Since releasing her self-titled debut in 1978, the singer/songwriter has released 14 albums, each sounding surer and steadier than the last. Cash’s storytelling skills are on full display on her new record She Remembers Everything, which includes a couple of interesting collaborations with Kris Kristofferson and Elvis Costello. After paying tribute to her late father Johnny on 2009’s The List, on She Remembers Everything Cash eases back into her own sharp observations on life and growing older, and all but solidifies her status as a major influence on country music. (8 pm, Revolution Hall, $42.50-45, all ages) MARK LORE

Everything's Coming Up Simpsons
LA-based comedians and writers Allie Goertz and Julia Prescott bring their beloved Simpsons podcast on the road for a live taping at Mississippi Studios where they'll take a deep-dive into a classic episode of the show along with a pair of special guests: former Simpson's writer Bill Oakley and "Woo Hoo! Classic Simpsons Trivia" host Adam Smith. (6:30 pm, Mississippi Studios, $18-20)

Humbug Lager Fest
The problem with winter beer festivals is that after two sips of a piney, figgy, outrageously strong winter ale, you’re done for the night. Which is why North Portland’s Occidental Brewing’s annual Humbug Lager Fest celebrates lagers of all kinds, and stretches across two exciting, lager-filled days. (Sat 2 pm, Sun noon, Occidental Brewing Co., $10) NED LANNAMANN

John Craigie, Ben Morrison
The modern-day troubadour out of Santa Monica, California follows up a stand-out performance at Pickathon by bringing his playful blend of storytelling folk to the Aladdin Theater stage. Ben Morrison (of The Brothers Comatose) rounds out the bill. (8 pm, Aladdin Theater, $21-25, all ages)

The Wicker Man
This is a screening of the 1973 original, meaning you will not be seeing Nicolas Cage in a bear suit socking up women and swallowing gallons of CGI bees. Instead, you will be immersed in the off-kilter world of this slow-burning British cult classic, starring Christopher Lee at his most confidently creepy, where the horror isn’t contained in loud orchestral stabs and brutal bursts of bloody gore, but in the careful peeling away of idyllic island life to reveal the placidly unnerving and profoundly disturbing wrongness underneath. MERRY CHRISTMAS, BEDFORD FALLS! (8:30 pm, NW Film Center's Whitsell Auditorium, $8-10) BOBBY ROBERTS

Once in a Lifetime: A Talking Heads Dance Party
Maxx Bass, Ben Tactic, DJ Freaky Outty, and Nathan Detroit head up a Saturday night dance party celebrating the music and influence of the Talking Heads. (9 pm, Holocene, $7-10)

Slim Fortune, Charlie Salas-Humara, Nice Nice
Portland quartet Slim Fortune bring their dark and soulful garage rock stylings to the Fixin' To stage to head up a hometown show along with support from Charlie Salas-Humara and Nice Nice. (9 pm, The Fixin' To, $7)

Atreyu, Memphis May Fire, Ice Nine Kills, Sleep Signals
The kind of metalcore you can only get when your band is named after a heroic horse in a really long children's book. Like, really long. LOL, jk, none of you ever read the fucking book, you just watched that fuck-ugly '80s flick with the lecherous dick-dragon in it. BTW: Don't re-watch if you don't have to, because oh man it has not aged well. (8 pm, Hawthorne Theatre, $25-30, all ages)

2018 Yule Ball
A wizarding world version of a winter formal, with DJ Switch on the decks as the Portland chapter of the Harry Potter Alliance throws a party full of dancing, drinks, and of course, magic! Admission tiers allow for treats from Hungry Heart Bakery, Champions' Bar access, and a full multi-course dinner. (7:30 pm, TIffany Center, $30-87)

Alice Merton, Shaed
2018's December to Remember gets a strong shot of some classy dance pop from Europe's Alice Merton along with support from Washington, D.C.-based electro-pop trio Shaed. (6:30 pm, Crystal Ballroom, $23.50, all ages)

The Annual Tuba Christmas Concert
Hundreds of tubists will be performing at the Tuba Christmas Concert! Frankly, I'd go see hundreds of just about anything perform (except bagpipes and bucket drummers), but if you're talking about hundreds of tubas playing holiday songs? That actually makes the holidays a hundred percent less of a drag. (1:30 pm, Pioneer Courthouse Square, free, all ages) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

World's Largest Blanket Fort Party
Sure, there's maybe, technically, better uses of the Oregon Convention Center's square footage, but attempting the world-record biggest blanket fort seems a pretty noble endeavor, constituting several geodesic domes connected by blanket tunnels, with hidden rooms, family-friendly games, live music, and more. (1pm & 7 pm, Oregon Convention Center, $10-35)

Top Gun (70 mm)
Much in the same way Die Hard's status as a Christmas movie started as a cute observation that came to swallow it whole, Top Gun's innate gayness (which Quentin Tarantino most notably illuminated via his cameo in 1994's otherwise forgettable Sleep with Me) was just a knowing, winking in-joke among film dorks, but has become the aspect that defines Tony Scott's glistening, teeth-clacking ad for the US Navy. You can try to watch it as it was presumably intended in the repressed-yet-beefy heart of the Reagan '80s. But those abs! Those butts! ("I want butts!") The volleyball game. 30 years of time has reframed Top Gun entirely, and unlike Die Hard's redefinition, this glossy, fetish-friendly framework has helped make the film more entertaining. (7 pm, Hollywood Theatre) BOBBY ROBERTS

Don't forget to check out our Things To Do calendar for even more things to do!