For an aqua man, you sure spend a lot of time in the woods.
"For an aqua man, you sure spend a lot of time in the woods."

Welcome to Erik Henriksen Tells You What to Watch This Weekend™, a weekly post in which I, Erik Henriksen, tell you what you should watch this weekend! I will continue doing this post until you have watched everything you should watch.

JESUS CHRIST IT'S CHRISTMAS AND THERE ARE ONE BILLION MOVIES. Luckily, you look like someone who wants to avoid talking to your family members this holiday season, and movies are great for that!

Aquaman (Now playing)—This movie is very silly! It also feels about four hours long.
Bumblebee (Now playing)—Hey, look, a Transformers movie that doesn't make you want to fucking die!
If Beale Street Could Talk (Opens Tues Dec 25)—Barry Jenkins' follow-up to Moonlight.
Mary Poppins Returns (Now playing)—It's... fine?

Excuse me. I need to get out of this movie and go watch RBG instead.
"Excuse me. I need to get out of this movie and go watch RBG instead."

On the Basis of Sex (Opens Mon Dec 24)—This movie is bad and you should just watch RBG instead.
Vice (Opens Mon Dec 24)—Escape 2018's soul-strangling tsunami of horrific news by reliving the glory days of the Bush Cheney administration!
Welcome to Marwen (Opens Fri Dec 22)—SOMEONE STOP ROBERT ZEMECKIS. HE MUST BE STOPPED. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

Plus, there are still big-deal holdovers like Roma (still screening at the Hollywood!), The Favourite (god bless Olivia Colman), and Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (which made multiple Mercury staffers cry like little babies, and also has its own Christmas album). Plus, Ciara Dolan offers her expert take on Netflix's terrible Christmas movies.

So go forth. Watch movies, and use the wondrous magic of cinema to avoid talking to your family. It's what the holidays are all about!