A bunch of shiny trophies were given out last night at Hollywood's longest trailer for itself, the Oscars—and here at the Mercury, we reviewed just about every movie that earned somebody an award.

Our takes are below, along with hahahahaha of COURSE Green Book won, why did any of us think it would possibly be anything else?

Fun fact: Did you know the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was created by union-hating movie moguls who "needed an organization to handle labor problems at the studio without having to get into the union thing, and it would be a public relations operation that pumped out the message that Hollywood was a wonderful place where delightful and thrilling stories were made to give the folks a good time"?

I mention that for no reason!

Green Book (Best Picture; Best Original Screenplay, Nick Vallelonga; Best Supporting Actor, Mahershala Ali)—"It’s essentially another Driving Miss Daisy story about how to solve racism in three convenient acts," writes Senior Editor Ned Lannamann.

Roma (Best Director and Best Cinematography, Alfonso Cuarón; Best Foreign Language Film)—"Roma is being distributed by Netflix, and the only way most will be able to see it is by streaming it at home," writes the brilliant Erik Henriksen. "But by the time its end credits roll, it’s clear Roma is about as powerful a cinematic experience as one can have."

Black Panther (Best Costume Design, Ruth E. Carter; Best Production Design, Hannah Beachler; Best Original Score, Ludwig Göransson)—"For more than two hours," writes Copy Chief Jenni Moore, "I was able to immerse myself in a technologically superior African society untouched by colonization—something that’s empowering in and of itself."

The Favorite (Best Actress, Olivia Colman)—"Colman is superhumanly good in this," writes Lannamann, "playing a self-centered, not particularly bright monarch who screeches at her subjects, stuffs her face, sobs with self-pity, and needs to be wheeled around her enormous but still stuffy palace whenever her gout acts up."

Bohemian Rhapsody (Best Actor, Rami Malek)—"Mr. Robot's Rami Malek nails both Freddie Mercury’s flamboyant stage persona and his off-stage idiosyncrasies, which is no small accomplishment," writes Mo Troper.

If Beale Street Could Talk (Best Supporting Actress, Regina King)—"Barry Jenkins and his incredible cast—anchored by amazing newcomer KiKi Layne, and the always brilliant Regina King as her mother—perfectly capture how the impact of such macro issues affect one family like shuddering, foundation-cracking aftershocks," writes Robert Ham.

BlackKklansman (Best Adapted Screenplay, Charlie Wachtel & David Rabinowitz and Kevin Willmott & Spike Lee) "In true Spike Lee fashion," writes David F. Walker, "the film mixes drama, comedy, and heavy-handed politics that don’t always seamlessly blend."

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Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (Best Animated Feature)—"Ugh. YOU GUYS," writes the still-brilliant me. "This movie is just SO GOOD."

A Star Is Born (Best Original Song, "Shallow")—"I’d hoped this new version of A Star Is Born would somehow challenge the destructive narrative that a woman is worthless until a man deems her worthy of love, validation, success, or fame," writes Senior Editor Ciara Dolan. "Hahah, nope!"