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I swear to tell the truth and provide the receipts.
"I swear to tell the truth and provide the receipts." Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

AND GOOD MORNING, SNOW! Temps were cold enough last night to leave Portland with less than an inch of snow in the metro area, but that's still enough to close Portland Public Schools for the day. Roads are slick in spots, and TriMet is running with no problems as of yet. According to the National Weather Service, expect a few snow showers today and this evening with a high of 39, and little to no snow accumulation tonight.

Oregon Secretary of State Dennis Richardson has died from brain cancer at the age of 69. He was the first Republican to be elected to statewide office in 30 years.

As I write this, former Trump family crime member Michael Cohen is testifying publicly before the House Oversight and Reform Committee, and is shedding new details on how the president is "a racist, a conman, and a cheat." And while Republicans are accusing him of being a liar—and he certainly has lied in the past—this time Cohen is bringing the receipts.

This just in: Florida Republican Rep. Matt Gaetz is fucking stupid.


After being credibly accused of witness tampering, Gaetz deleted his tweet and apologized.

Meanwhile in other political theater, Trump is meeting with Kim Jung-un in an attempt to "solve the North Korea problem." We'll see how he gets hoodwinked this time.

The House has successfully voted to block Trump's bullshit emergency declaration, which has a good chance of passing the Senate. While the president may veto it, the passage supplies more opportunity for his racist wall to get knocked down in the courts.

As we know, Ivanka Trump believes that Americans shouldn't have a guaranteed job (except for her, of course). Well! AOC has something to say about that!

Tensions are escalating as Pakistan claims to have shot down two Indian aircraft in their airspace, and captured a pilot.

United Methodists have voted once again to strengthen their ban on gay and lesbian clergy as well as same-sex marriage. Like I've been telling you, religion is bunk, y'all.

VERY GOOD JANET JACKSON NEWS! "Janet Jackson Launching Las Vegas Residency in May." We're going to Vegas, team!

IN OTHER LOCAL NEWS: The Portland Police Bureau has banned officers from carrying knives on the outside of their vests after an incident where legally blind Andre Gladen grabbed a cop's knife and was later killed by police.

The Amtrak train that was stranded for over 36 hours with 200 passengers aboard has finally made it back to Eugene.

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Oregon has made national news again, this time for being the first state to pass statewide rent controls.

Now let's sneak a peek at the WEATHER: A mixed up day of snow, sleet, and showers and a high of 39!

And finally, this video makes my wrists hurt.