As a white Liberal, I'm always on the lookout for a victim to save. There are victims everywhere and it is my duty to call out the oppressors, and save the victim. Also, I get to decide who is being victimized, for most victims are unaware of their oppression. Yes, as a white Liberal, I am the arbiter of victimhood.

I, myself, am a victim of all kinds of stuff, and I am quite humorless because of it. I'm also a real joy to be around, and a ruiner of parties. Can you imagine what it would be like to hang out with me? I'd always be pointing out how terrible the world is, while ironically enjoying an expensive latte or boutique cone of 'cream, or a slice of overpriced 'za.

My little dog loves me, but my guilt for oppressing him forces me to spoil him rotten. I'm constantly riddled with guilt for not only being white, but also being an American. Still, I will make it my duty to seek out, label and defend victims... they're everywhere.

EVERYONE is a victim and it is my duty to help!