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Hello! Black Hole here. Ready to suck up the Trump administration whenever you are.
"Hello! Black Hole here. Ready to suck up the Trump administration whenever you are." National Science Foundation Handout / Getty News

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Why waste your time? You know you're gonna be mine. You know you're gonna be mine. You know you're gonna be mine. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

START POPPING YOUR POPCORN NOW: Attorney General William Barr testified yesterday that he will probably release the Mueller Report "within a week" and plans to color-code redacted info so the public will know why it was taken out. Here's your daily reminder that Barr has given us absolutely ZERO reason to trust him.

SPEAKING OF ZERO REASONS TO TRUST BARR: He's testifying before Congress again today, and is currently spreading conspiracy theories about the Obama administration "spying" on the Trump campaign.

In a very illegal move, Treasury department lawyers (under the supervision of creepy rich dude Steve Mnuchin) consulted with the White House about the potential release of Trump's tax returns.

Trump's in the middle of another panic spiral as his efforts to contain the border crisis is causing him even more heartburn. Check out this interesting description of the last 12 days from the Washington Post.

A showdown might be imminent between Trump's closest advisors, Jared "Jared!" Kushner and Stephen "Nosferatu" Miller who have very different outlooks on immigration.

The Warner Bros. studio has shut down a Trump 2020 ad on Twitter after discovering the campaign used stolen music from the film The Dark Knight Rises.

Declaring a public health emergency due to an outbreak of measles, New York City has ordered mandatory vaccinations. (*Looks over at Clark County to see if anyone is listening*)

Less than a month after the Christchurch massacre, New Zealand has already taken action and passed a law that bans most semiautomatic weapons. (*Looks at everyone in America to see if anyone is listening*)

MEANWHILE IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY: Scientists are rightly thrilled that they finally have a photo of an actual black hole that's 5,000 light years away. It is both awe-inspiring and creepy.

Ummm... I'm just going to leave this headline right here: "She went to the hospital for an infection. Doctors found four bees living in her eye, eating her tears."

IN LOCAL NEWS: During an early protest against Trump, 67-year-old protester Margaret Zebroski had her nose broken by a Portland police officer, and the trial started yesterday. Our Alex Zielinski was there and files this report.

An Oregon trash incineration company is getting a financial reward from the state even though it's a polluter. Check out the story from our Blair Stenvick!

Oregon gets one step closer to joining the Popular Vote Compact, which, if enough states join, would get rid of the ridiculously antiquated electoral college system.

Good news for fans of the Blazers: The team beat LA last night to snag home court advantage in the first round of the NBA playoffs! WOOT WOOT!

Portland is chosen as the "#8 Best Place to Live" according to US News and World Report. (Our condolences to #9 Seattle.)

Now wha'cha say we check out the WEATHER: A partly cloudy morning gives way to rain in the afternoon and a high of 56.

And finally, who wants to check out the trailer for the new CG remake of Disney's The Lion King? OH, YOU KNOW YOU DO.