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Impeach this lying, corrupt liar, please.
Impeach this lying, corrupt liar, please. Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! I wanna put your number on the call block, have AOL make my email stop, 'cause you're a bug-a-boo. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Let's get this out of the way first and foremost: TRUMP WAS NOT EXONERATED... LIKE, AT ALL.

Despite AG William Barr's blatant "no collusion" spin attempt, the Mueller Report was released yesterday, and things did NOT go well for Trump. Here are the highlights: Mueller found 10 (TEN!) examples of Trump meddling in the investigation, and rejected the idea that Trump is somehow shielded from obstruction laws. When Trump heard that Robert Mueller was going to be investigating him, he declared that he was "fucked" and that it would be "the end of my presidency." (Is that something an innocent person says?) While there is no direct proof that the Trump campaign explicitly conspired with Russia during the 2016 election, they knew about it, there was collusion, they "expected to benefit," and they did not contact the FBI which is a thing that honest, non-corrupt people do. The Mueller probe has spawned 14 other investigations, including two ongoing ones. So there's a LOT more of this story to come. (Trump, you were right. You're fucked.)



To the surprise of no one, House Democrats have issued a subpoena for the entire, redaction-free Mueller Report.

Another delicious nugget from the Mueller Report: The special counsel calls out professional liar/Trump mouthpiece Sarah Huckabee Sanders as a goddamn liar.

A good reason to get Trump out of the White House ASAP: "Mueller Left Open the Door to Charging Trump After He Leaves Office."

One very nice and unexpected side effect of the Mueller Report is that it finally inspired the New York Times to call Trump and his cohorts what they really are: LIARS.


More trouble in paradise: Conservative lawyer George Conway (hubby of Kellyanne) called Trump a "cancer on the presidency" and agrees that he should be impeached.

Trump's favorite periodical, the National Enquirer, has been purchased by a new owner, James Cohen, the heir to the Hudson News franchise.

Terrorist groups are figuring out ways to skirt around rules on Twitter and Facebook to continue broadcasting their messages of hate.

Speaking of terrorist groups, there's this headline: "Right-Win Militia in New Mexico Detains Asylum Seekers at Gunpoint."

The fire at the Paris Cathedral may have been caused by an accidental electrical short circuit—but officials say there needs to be further investigation.

IN CARLY RAE JESPSEN NEWS:


IN LOCAL NEWS: Multnomah County will pay a $100,000 settlement to a former employee who sued the county for racial discrimination and retaliation. Our Blair Stenvick has the story.

Police are investigating an alleged sexual assault that took place during a daytime dance at Portland's popular White Owl Social Club.

A Portland painting company is being investigated for lying about being a woman-owned company and raking in $2 million in city contracts.

Now let's turn to the WEATHER: 62 degrees and light rain today will turn into a much sunnier, warmer weekend!

And finally, today in NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOO: