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Stephen Miller: And these are the hands with which I shall strangle America.
Stephen Miller: "And these are the hands with which I shall strangle America." Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Smilin', dancin', everything is free. All you need is positivity. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Get yer popcorn ready: Former Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller is scheduled to publicly testify before Congress on Wednesday, and here are some of the questions the lawmakers may ask.

In a Fox News interview, Stephen Miller—Trump senior policy advisor, and co-architect of the president's most racist policies—defended Trump's authoritarianism in the most disturbing way yet. This guy is a baaaaaad dude.

Speaking of which, the Trump Administration has finalized a plan to bypass immigration courts in order to round up and deport undocumented immigrants coming into our country to flee oppression and death. If you haven't read it yet, don't miss this excellent profile of one such immigrant by our own Alex Zielinski.

Today in further Trump Administration corruption: A federal EPA watchdog is taking a hard look at the president's former head of the EPA's air quality division who is suspected of granting extra special favors to polluters.

According to a new poll, Elizabeth Warren is rapidly gaining on Bernie Sanders among progressive voters.


A Louisiana police officer has been chastised for writing on Facebook that Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez should be shot. He made the remarks following President Trump's racist and dangerous statements toward AOC and other legislators of color.


This sounds foreboding: A mob of people armed with sticks and metal bars attacked a group of anti-government protestors yesterday in a town close to Hong Kong. It's been reported that the police did not try to help them.

Thousands of protestors are blocking highways today in Puerto Rico to demand the ouster of their misogynist, racist governor.

Credit company Equifax is paying the biggest data breach settlement ever—$650 million—after it exposed the personal information of more than 148 million customers.

Good comic book movie news headline of the day: "Natalie Portman confirmed as Mighty Thor in Marvel sequel."

IN LOCAL NEWS: The city of Portland has dismissed a defamation suit from activists who say that Portland Police libeled them with a baseless tweet about cement-filled milkshakes at a recent protest. Our Alex Zee has the story.

The right-wing dummies of Vancouver, this time led by right-wing dummy/men's rights activist Haley Adams, protested in front of Mayor Ted Wheeler's house on Saturday morning. Portland anti-fascist activists knew about it and ignored them, rightly deciding that these idiots weren't worth wasting a beautiful weekend.

The Timbers defeat the Seattle Sounders 2-1 in their first match-up of the year, and our Abe Asher has the exciting recap!

After reading all this newsy stuff, I suspect you need two things: 1) a lot of $5 alcoholic slushies from the Mercury's Summer of Slushies, and 2) laughing yer guts out at the always hilarious I, Anonymous Show coming at ya on August 7! Drink a bunch of slushies and get your tickets now!

Now let's peep at the WEATHER: Another gorgeous day with a cooler high of 83, and an equally nice week lies ahead!

And finally, me on Monday morning (except not so goddamn cute):