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Id love to buy Greenland, but Im simply too busy being racist and insane.
"I'd love to buy Greenland, but I'm simply too busy being racist and insane." Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning—but tell me what happens when it stops? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Today in Trump's horrible, racist administration: The White House has announced a new regulation that would allow the US to indefinitely hold migrant families who cross the border, ignoring a former rule that put a time limit on how long children could remain in detention. It's expected to be immediately challenged in court.

Related: Trump's anti-Semitism reared its ugly head again when he said that any Jew who doesn't vote for him is "disloyal."

It only took one phone call from the NRA to make Trump furiously backpedal on his tough talk about guns, and now he's back to parroting NRA talking points and lying about Democrats violating the second amendment.

In more "THIS IS NOT NORMAL, GUYS" Trump news: Denmark is furious that the president canceled a visit to their country because they are refusing to sell Greenland.

The student survivors of the Parkland shooting massacre have created a new, sweeping gun control program that they hope will be championed by both Democrats and the GOP.

Former Trump enabler and liar Sean Spicer is begging for America's forgiveness by appearing on... Dancing with the Stars? Good luck with that, a-hole.

Film studios Marvel and Sony have reached a stalemate over the character of Spider-Man, who may no longer be appearing in Marvel movies.

IN LOCAL NEWS: Despite the clear fact that last weekend's protests in Portland resulted in very little drama or violence, Fox News—and their lying conservative counterparts—are saying it was "out of control."

The Malheur County's sheriff department is refusing to investigate the Malheur Enterprise newspaper after it was accused of breaking the law by... [adjusts glasses]... contacting members of local government?

Portland Police have released new information about the June death of David Downs who was shot by officers, and our Alex Zielinski has the details.

A local Portland nonprofit is using behavioral science to tackle societal ills such as college affordability and the opioid crisis. Our Blair Stenvick has more on this interesting group.

YOU LOOK THIRSTY. Have a $5 slushy!

YOU LOOK SEXY. Get your tickets NOW for the sexiest/most hilarious sex-ed comedy show in town, Talkin' Dirty with Shrista & AJ! And hurry, the show is Thursday night!

Now let's prognosticate about the WEATHER: Expect a showery day with a high of 70, but the sun returns tomorrow.

And finally, want to be happy? Find someone who doesn't serve you ice cream like this ice cream vendor doesn't serve ice cream.