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Democrat Andy Beshear of Kentucky upsets crybaby Republican Matt Bevin. WAHHH! WAHHH! WAHHHH!
Democrat Andy Beshear of Kentucky upsets crybaby Republican Matt Bevin. WAHHH! WAHHH! WAHHHH! John Sommers II / Getty

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Your smile, your style is so fly. I can't deny I got a crush on you. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Let's start with some good news for Democrats and BAD NEWS for Trump: For the first time in decades Virginia's state government flipped blue in last night's election, paving the way for minimum wage raises and tightening gun laws. Meanwhile in Kentucky, Democrat Andy Beshear squeaked out a victory in the gubernatorial race, beating Gov. Matt Bevin who is such a fucking Republican crybaby, he's refusing to concede. YA LOST, SON! Go cry in Trump's lap.

In other good election news: "Woman who gave Trump the finger elected in Virginia."

In case you missed it, yesterday Portland hotelier/Trump crony Gordon Sondland, sensing that he was going to get caught in his lies, reversed his position and now says that there was a "quid pro quo" deal (read: bribery and extortion) between Trump and Ukraine. This blows a huge hole in the GOP's defense that everyone who has testified against the president is a "never Trumper"—hey, the dude gave Trump millions! (Be sure to watch the video below of Sondland returning home to Portland late last night and receiving an "unwelcome home" party from protesters. SO GOOD. Boycott his hotels.)

House impeachment investigators have called on White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney to testify on Trump's quid pro quo—since... you know... Mulvaney was most likely involved and publicly called it a quid pro quo. He's not gonna testify—we all know this, right?

Here's your "desperate, panicky Republicans" headline of the day: "Senate Republicans consider including Bidens in Trump impeachment trial."

I can't believe it's come to this, but here we are: In a few days Trump will be asking the Supreme Court to rule on whether or not he's completely immune to criminal investigation while in office. In normal times it would be a laughable question, but with this Supreme Court? The shit could hit the fan with this one. And the aftermath will not be pretty.

Meanwhile, in DRAKE news:

A 25-year-old member of the New Zealand Parliament got off a great "OK Boomer" retort when a boomer tried to heckle her climate change speech.

IN LOCAL NEWS: Portland's own Trump conspirator Gordon Sondland arrived back in town last night, and received quite the welcome from protesters. (This is great—needed more "boos.")

Apparently Mayor Ted Wheeler has finally heard enough and is donating $16,000 of Gordon Sondland's past campaign contributions to charity. I guess because he couldn't tell Sondland was clearly lying the first time around?

In Portland election news, you voted "yes" on ballots that will continue to pay our teachers,
as well as protect the environment, our drinking water, and parks. See more from our Alex Zielinski.

The city is planning on hosting public information meetings to brief Portlanders on their negotiation process with the Portland Police union, because they neglected to last time AND IT DID NOT GO SO WELL. Our Alex Zielinski has the details.

Hey! Who wants to watch some great DIY porn seated next to strangers? YOU DO. Tickets for HUMP! 2019 are right here and it kicks off this Friday, November 8! Trust me, you won't regret it.

Now let's gaze skyward at the WEATHER: Expect a sunnier, less foggy day with a high of 58.

And finally, MOOD.