Stay up to date on Portland news and politics. Looking for fun? Here are the best Things to Do in Portland today.

AL_DRAGO___GETTY_IMAGES.jpg
AL DRAGO / GETTY IMAGES

Good morning, Portland! I sincerely wish a wonderful Friday to everyone in the greater Portland metro area—except for Lars Larson.

Here are the headlines!

In Bloom(berg): Michael Bloomberg, a man whose self-image is apparently at diametric odds with the public's view of him, has decided that he simply must run for president. "I think, therefore I am, therefore I must run for president," Bloomberg said, probably.

Parked: In Portland, public parks have become go-to gathering spots for organizations that offer free meals to the city’s poor communities. But a new Parks bureau policy is threatening to take away this bright spot for Portland's most vulnerable—read more from Alex Zielinski here, or pick up a new Mercury print issue.

New Precedent: A new case set to go before the Oregon Appeals Court could ensure all nonbinary Oregonians are able to change their legal gender designation, without having to worry about the particular ideology of a circuit court judge.

Well, This Is Something:

Under the Bus: Republican lawmakers in DC are reportedly considering sacrificing top Trump aides—including Rudy Giuliani and Portland's own Gordon Sondland—in order to save Trump from impeachment. "By raising questions about the motivation of Trump’s top lieutenants on Ukraine policy, the GOP hopes to undermine the reliability of otherwise incriminating testimony from several current Trump administration officials," the Washington Post reports.

Let the Great Water Wars Begin: Nestle, a brand that somehow sells both second-rate candy bars and bottled water, is facing ire from environmentalists in Florida. The company just can't get enough of the state's natural spring water, and wants to start taking more than a million gallons of it per day.

Headline of the Day: