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MOTOYA NAKAMURA / MULTNOMAH COUNTY

Good morning, Portland. BIG news from our colleagues at the National Enquirer (necessary disclaimer: this is fake news!):

Spotted while not buying toilet paper at Fred Meyer.
Spotted while not buying toilet paper at Fred Meyer.

Here are the coronavirus-related headlines.

• As of this morning, there are 51 known coronavirus cases in Oregon—and 14 of those cases are at one veterans' home in Lebanon. Nearly 70 people have died from COVID-19 in the United States, most of those being in the Seattle area.

• Gov. Kate Brown ordered all restaurants and bars in the state to limit their service to delivery and take-out only, beginning today and lasting for at least four weeks. Brown announced the new policy at a press conference yesterday, where it was also announced that all four of the Portland area's major hospitals will begin working as one system to handle COVID-19 cases.

• Some good news for Portlanders who have recently lost income because of the coronavirus:

• Portland's temporary day laborers are seeing a dip in business because of the pandemic, and they have virtually no safety net to help with lost income. Fortunately, you can help by donating to an emergency relief fund.

• And speaking of help, the Mercury has put together this handy guide of other ways you can help Portlanders who are hit hardest right now.

• Good thing viruses only impact people who believe in them! Oh no wait, I think that's Santa Clause...

• Like many workplaces in town, the City of Portland is telling most of its employees to stay home if they can.

And here are the non-coronavirus headlines!

• Joe Biden has narrowly won Washington's primary—a disappointment for Team Bernie, which won the state in 2016. Three other states are voting today, but Ohio has postponed its primary due to, you know, the general state of the world. Oregon's vote-by-mail policy has never looked better.

• A pedestrian has died after being hit by an intoxicated driver in Southwest Portland early this morning.

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Cats, a film that turned out to be a hellish predictor of the confusing and upsetting times we are now living in, "won" six awards at the Razzies, the Oscars of bad movies. Congrats to the whole team!

One more thing... However you're processing COVID-19, at least you don't have to do that on a live TV special, right?!