I am a super queer presenting female who recently accepted that I have desires for men. My partner of two years is bisexual and understands the desires, but has personally dealt with those desires via masturbation while my desires include acting. Her perspective is that the grass is greener where you water it and that my desire to act is immature, selfish, and has an unrealistic end game. What gives when you don't feel fulfilled sexually in a monogamous relationship?
Open Or Over?
Something definitely gives when a person doesnât feel fulfilled in a monogamous relationshipâsometimes itâs an ultimatum thatâs given, sometimes itâs a one-time-only hall pass thatâs given, sometimes itâs an agreement to open the relationship thatâs given. But the relationship sometimes gives, e.g. the relationship collapses under the weight of competing and mutually exclusive needs and desires. If you want to open things up (if allowed) and she wants to keep things closed (no allowance), OOO, itâs ultimately your willpowerâyour commitment to honoring the commitment youâve madeâthatâs likely to give.
I have a close friend whoâs cheating on her girlfriend. It has been going on for over a year. At first I actually supported the exploration because my friend has a really unsupportive girlfriend who has done really crappy things to her over the course of their relationship. Â I kept pushing for her to make a decision and use this affair as a way for her to free herself, but she is just coasting along with her girlfriend and her lover. Sheâs under a lot of stress and sheâs turned into a major liar and itâs creeping me out. Â I'm considering either telling her girlfriend myself (though I promised my friend I wouldn't) or maybe I just need to end this friendship. Â My friendâs double life upsets me. Itâs just been going on too long.
Is My Friend An Asshole?
If your friendâthe one leading the double lifeâis asking you to run interference for her, if sheâs asking you to lie to her girlfriend, or if sheâs asked you to compromise your integrity in some way, sheâs an asshole and youâre a sap; tell your friend youâre done covering for her and that you wonât be able to see her again until the deceit or the pandemic is over, whichever comes first. If the issue your friend expects you to ooze sympathize while she goes on and on about the mess sheâs made of her life, IMFAA, simply refuse to discuss the mess that is her love life with her. Remind her that she already knows what you think needs to doâshe needs to break the fuck up with her shitty girlfriendâand then change the subject.
I'm a cis het woman who loves men and loves dicks. I love dicks so much that I fantasize about having one. Nothing brings me to orgasm more quickly or reliably than closing my eyes and imagining my own dick, or imagining myself as my partner, and what they're feeling through their dick. I love being a woman, and I'm afraid to bring this up with any partner(s) of mine. Is this super weird? Am I secretly trans somehow? Am I overthinking this?
Perfect Minus Penis
Itâs not that weird, some people are trans and you could be one of them (but fantasizing about having a dick â Â being a male), and youâre overthinking what you should be enjoying. Buy a strap-on, tell your partners about your fantasies, and enjoy having the dick the dick you can have.
I wonder if you might be able to put a label on this sex act: It has to do with overstimulation, in this case of a penis (mine). After receiving  a wonderful hand job, the giver kept stroking me purposefully. My penis was in a heightened, super-sensitive state. It was almost like being tickled, if youâre ticklish. I was being forcefully held down (consensually), and just as I thought I couldnât take it anymore, I had a second amazing orgasm. I didnât ejaculate again, it was more of a body orgasm. It came in waves and everything was warm. It was mind-blowing, spiritual, galactic, unique, and very similar to how Iâve heard women describe their orgasms. Ever hear of anything like this? Is this some sot of Japanese underground kink thing?
Witty Hilarious Overzealous Amateur
The act youâre describing already has a name, WHOA, and an entry on Urban Dictionary: apple-polishing. Most men find the sensation of having the head of their cock worked so overwhelming that their bodies involuntarily recoil, which makes it difficult to polish someoneâs apple if the âvictimâ isnât restrained in some way. But itâs not painfulâitâs like being tickled; indeed, the victim usually reacts with desperate laughter and gasping pleas for it to stop. (Donât ask me how I know.) That all-over feeling of euphoria you experienced when your apple got polished was most likely a wave of endorphinsâlike a runner who pushes herself past her physical limits and experiences an full-body ârunnerâs high,â you were pushed past your physical limits, WHOA, and experienced the same sort of high.
Iâm a 35-year-old straight guy. I recently started seeing an amazing 34-year-old girl. We love being around each other, but during sex, neither of us can come. Itâs infuriating, to say the least. She has no trouble when she masturbates and I know I have no trouble when I masturbate, so why canât we come together?
Canât Understand Matter
If you can come when you masturbate and she can come when she masturbates, CUM, masturbate together and youâll be coming together. Mutual masturbation isnât a sad consolation prizeâmutual masturbation is sex and it can be great sex. And the more often you come together through mutual masturbation, CUM, the likelier it gets that youâll be able to come together while enjoying other things.
I have a weird and terrible problem. Iâve been seeing someone new, and have just discovered that I get diarrhea every time I swallow his come. Like debilitating pee poops an hour after, every time. I know the solution to the problem would be to stop swallowing, but I was wondering if you had ever heard of this before or knew why this was.
My Sad Asshole
I have heard of this before, MSA, and superstar Savage Love guest expert Dr. Debby Herbenick unpacked the cause for another reader a few years back: "Prostaglandins are substances made by the body and that the body is sensitive to. Semen contains prostaglandinsâand prostaglandins can have a laxative effect on people. Related: If you've ever felt a little loosey-goosey right before getting your period, that's also thanks to prostaglandins (which spike just before your period, because the prostaglandins get the uterine muscles to contract, which then helps to shed the lining of the uterus, resulting in a menstrual period). So why don't more semen swallowers find themselves running to the bathroom post-blowjob? I don't know why most people aren't extra-sensitive to prostaglandins, but fortunately most of us aren't, or there would probably be a lot less swallowing in the world."
So, MSA, youâll have to stop swallowing your boyfriendâs come or only swallow when you have immediate access to a toilet in a restroom with a powerful fan.
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All hail Erin Gibson! The comedian co-host of the Throwing Shade podcast joins Dan to answer some questions and weigh in on facial stubble. She can brighten up any pandemic. Listen in at www.savagelovecast.com