I'm a 31-year-old female. Last week I suddenly started to experience an overwhelming, compulsive, and near-constant state of physical arousal. I've masturbated so much looking for relief that my entire lower region is super sore and swollen and still, its like my whole body is pulsating with this electric arousal telling me to ignore the pain and do it again. I have no idea if it's normal to suddenly have suck a spike in libido and I know a lot of people will say they wish they had this problem but its interfering with my daily activities because I cant focus on anything else. My college classes are suffering because of it. I've even had to remove my clitoral hood piercing, which I've had that for over 10 years! I feel like I have all of the reasonsâhigh anxiety related to the pandemic, being stuck with alcoholic boyfriend in the house, tons of homework, finances are lowâto warrant a lack of arousal so why am I drowning in it? Everything I'm learning in class states that sexual desire lowers through out the life span so why am I literally pulsating with it? I really donât want to call my doctor if I donât have to. Any insight would be appreciated.
Chronically Aroused
âThereâs a general belief that sexual arousal is always wantedâand the more the better,â said Robyn Jackowich. âBut in reality, persistent and unwanted sexual arousal can be very distressing.â
Jackowich is a PhD candidate at Queenâs University, where she works under the supervision of Dr. Caroline Pukall in the Sexual Health Research Lab. Jackowich has published numerous studies on Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD), a condition characterized by a constant or frequently recurring state of genital arousalâsensations, sensitivity, swellingâin the absence of sexual desire.
âIn other words, there is a disconnect between what is happening in oneâs body and mind,â said Jackowich, âand this can be both distressing and distracting.â
And while you would think stress would tank your libidoâand preliminary research shows that the pandemic is tanking more libidos than itâs notâstress and anxiety can actually be triggers for PGAD.
As youâve learned, CA, you canât masturbate your way out of this. So what do you do? Unfortunately, itâs the thing youâd really rather not do: call your doctor.
âItâs important to meet with a knowledgeable healthcare provider to ensure there is not another concern present that may be responsible for the symptoms and to access treatment,â said Jackowich. âResearch on treatments for PGAD is relatively new, so it can be helpful to meet with a team of different healthcare providers to find what treatments would be most effective for you specifically. This could include a gynaecologist, urologist, pelvic floor physical therapist, neurologist, and/or psychologist with expertise in sex therapy.â
Talking with your doctor about this may be embarrassing, I realize, and it doesnât help that many doctors are unfamiliar with PGAD. Jackowich actually recommends bringing printouts of information pages and research papers about the condition to your appointment and sharing them with your physician. And if your doc doesnât take your distress seriously and/or refuses to refer you to the specialists you need to see, CA, then youâll have to get yourself a new doctor. (You can find those information pages and research papers at sexlab.ca/pgad, where you can also learn about currently available treatments and join support groups for sufferers.)
âMore awareness of PGAD and research on this condition is needed to help understand the symptoms and develop effective treatments,â said Jackowich. âIf you experience these symptoms and would like to contribute to ongoing research efforts, the Queenâs University Sexual Health Research Lab is seeking participants for an online study.â To take part in that online survey, go to sexlab.ca/pgad, click on âparticipate,â and scroll down to the âOLIVE Study.â
Iâve rekindled a romance with an ex from a decade ago. We are long distance right now but getting very close. We have one recurring problem though. She does not like that I am friends with another ex. That ex has actually been a close friend for a very long time and our friendship means a lot to me. Our romantic relationship only lasted a few months. But since we did have a romantic relationship once, my current girlfriend sees my ex as a threat. I have reassured her several times that the relationship is in the past and we are now only friends. But my girlfriend doesnât want me to communicate with her at all. She wants me to un-friend her on Facebook and un-follow her Instagram and at least once a week she asks if we have been in contact. It is hard for me to throw a friend away in order to be in a relationship. Even though I donât talk to my ex/friend all that regularly, I would like the option to at least check in every once in a while. Cutting her out of my life completely feels like a kind of death. I wish there was some way I could find a compromise but this seems to be one of those âall or nothingâ things. I also donât like this feeling of not being trusted and fear it could lead to other problems down the line.
Unhappy Girlfriend Has Sensitivities
I can see why your current girlfriend might feel threatened by your relationship with an ex, UGHS, seeing as sheâyour current girlfriendâwas until very recently just another one of your exes. Since you got back together with her, the green-eyed monster whispers in her ear, whatâs to stop you from getting back together with your other ex? What the green-eyed monster doesnât say, of course, is that you had every opportunity to get back together with your ex and didnât. And cutting off your ex now doesnât mean you canât get back together with her later. And whatâs to stop you from getting together with one of the 3.5 billion women you havenât already dated?
You have to take a hard line on this. Tell your current youâre happy to provide her with a little reassurance when sheâs feeling insecure about your ex but youâre not going to un-friend or un-follow her or anyone else. You can make an appeal to reasonâyou wouldnât be with your current girlfriend if you were the sort of person who cut off contact with his exesâbut if your current girlfriend is the irrationally jealous type⊠well, an appeal to reason wonât help. Irrationally jealous people are by definition incapable of seeing reason, UGHS, which is why they must be shown doors.
This isnât a sexy question, but you are wise and I am confused. I have been friends with a woman for about sixteen years. Sheâs very funny, creative, loves to have a good time. Sheâs also intense, not very bright, and my family and friends do not like her around. Now that weâre grown we do not see each other often, but Iâve been glad to maintain a friendship with her and get together now and again. Enter: my wedding. At the reception she made a fool of herself (and me) by going on some strange, racist rant. The racist thing really surprised and disappointed me and when I asked her about it she shrugged it off like, âOh, just add that to the list of dumb things I do when Iâm drunk.â Other things sheâd done when sheâs drunk: two DUIs, waking up in jail with an assault charge, having sex with strangers, etc. Itâs been about seven months since my wedding and Iâve basically been ignoring while trying to decide what to do. I love my friend, but I do not want her hurting anyone else on my watch. Do I call her up and end it? See her once a year when no ones around? Ignore her until she dies?
Loyal To A Fault
Tell your racist friend to give you a call after she gets sober and confront her about her racism thenâyou know, when sheâs actually capable of remembering the conversation, reflecting on what you had to say, and perhaps changing for the better. If she canât get both sober and better, LTAF, make sure she isnât registered to vote and then ignore her until she dies.
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Our epidemiologist pal is back to game out the pleasant theory that once we return to congregating, we could eliminate all STIs. And Dan chats with Katelyn Bowden of the Badass Armyâan org that fights for victims of revenge porn. Listen in at www.savagelovecast.com