The Last Dance Finale
The absence of sports has turned ESPN's 10-part Chicago Bulls documentary The Last Dance into the NBA Finals, the World Series, and Wrestlemania all in one. Apologies, did we say "Chicago Bulls" documentary? Because it's not really that. It was kinda-sorta that at first, but now it's essentially a highly entertaining, endlessly fascinating peek into the perpetual grievance machine that is Michael Jordan's petty, bullying brain. Seriously, the man has two speeds: "Smoke cigar" and "Kill Bill siren", and the toggle between the two was damaged somewhere in 1988. The documentary wraps up its final two episodes tonight, sure to unleash an untold number of meme-able moments, and some sadness for sports fans who had come to rely on this doc's ability to give them a fix for their basketball jones.
MOFAD x Gastro Obscura: The Beer Pantry
The Museum of Food and Drink partners with Gastro Obscura to host this special livestream event helping focus you stay-at-home-foodies on the potential that beer holds as a paired beverage for your planned meals, and also as an ingredient in those meals. Executive Chef Adam Dulye and author Michael Harlan Turkell recently released their cookbook The Beer Pantry, and they're going to sit in front of a camera at 5pm tonight and beam themselves, their knowledge, and their love of beer into your living room. Level One tickets ($15) get you access to the stream, Level Two tickets ($55) get you the stream and a copy of the cookbook. It's up to you to get the beer, though.
Virtual Sunday Bingo!
You know how this works: Same good ol' Bingo fun you remember from the last time you hit the Siren and daubed (and dabbed, who knows) to your hearts content, or from the days when nicotine-stained Bingo halls dotted the landscape. But this time, it's all happening online (11 am, $5-18), hosted by Erin Jean O'Regan and Jed Arkley. Prizes include Siren T-shirts, tickets to shows when the big re-opening finally happens, homemade cloth face masks, and of course, cash prizes.
2020 has been a very surprising, unpredictable, and alarming sort of year, which explains how Trolls: World Tour ended up being the movie that caused movie theater CEOs to plunge into existential terror and throw some industry-shaking tantrums. And this weekend sees Warner Bros giving it their own computer-animated "sure, why the hell not" type of shot on VOD with Scoob!, an origin story (!?!) for Scooby-Doo and Shaggy, that is also apparently the first movie in a (checks Wikipedia) "Hanna-Barbera shared cinematic universe." That's... jesus, okay, sure. So, if you're looking to occupy the little ones this weekend and feeling like doing your part to upend an entire entertainment industry, why not rent this thing! Maybe you weren't there when Iron Man changed the game back in '08, but now you can say you had a front row seat at the birth of the (re-checks Wikipedia in disbelief) "Hanna-Barbera shared cinematic universe."
Miss Janet, Cause We Nasty
You've spent your whole lockdown trying to perfect the chair routine from the "Miss You Much" video, and now, Shi Shi and Passports provide you the perfect opportunity to nail it in the best way possible: Safely, in your own home, and with nobody watching for when you accidentally biff it or smash the chair into something expensive. Alternatively, you could just dance your ass off in your living room as decades of hits flow through your speakers starting at 8 pm on Holocene's Twitch channel, in celebration of Janet's birthday!
The Joy of Painting
Look, sometimes the obvious choice is the obvious choice because it's the right one. No matter what situation might be stressing you the hell out (There's certainly no shortage of options right now), an hour (or 12) of Bob Ross (now streaming on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, YouTube) is like Calamine lotion for your nerves. (Editor's Note: Calamine lotion is Calamine lotion for your nerves, bright eyes.) It's almost impossible to watch him paint and not feel some level of comfort when he pulls a landscape out of thin air with a brush, a knife, and that weird blue he always uses (Pthalamo? Prusha-flush? Whatever). Is it cliche to suggest this balm for the anxious soul? Maybe. Who gives a shit. It's The Joy of Painting.
There are myriad opportunities for virtual escape from your home while self-quarantined, because no matter how cool your pad might be, after awhile, the desire to visit someone else's house, to go wandering down new halls and looking at the art on new walls starts to really pull on you. There was a game made in Portland in 2013 that lets you do this. It's called Gone Home (now available, all gaming platforms, $7.49), and it was made by the Fullbright Company. It's the story of a girl who returns to her family's Portland home in the middle of the night, in the middle of a rainstorm, and finds a quiet, low-key mystery awaiting her. Ben Coleman wrote about it for the Merc when it first came out, and all the things he said about it then, things like "one of the medium's best—and most important—video games" are just as true today. Maybe even moreso, since getting to explore "a time capsule filled with other people's lives" and being rewarded with "a surprisingly moving, intensely personal story" is a gift not many games can offer to those feeling squeezed by self-quarantine.
A little bit ago, Drake up and dropped a brand-new-mixtape out of nowhere for people to consume with reckless abandon while on quarantine, and now his frequent partner-in-crime, Future, is going one step further with his own brand new LP, High off Life, which used to be called Life is Good, same as the single he dropped with Drake a little bit ago. Future's always trying to switch things up on you, and this new album is likely no different. Keep in mind: this is a man who loves himself some Tom Brady highlights chased with sensational midnight cheesecakes. You're in for a trip when you hit play.