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States and counties may be tentatively re-opening, but the key word there is "tentative." While lockdowns may not be as strict as they've been in the past two months, we're all still a long way off from people going out and enjoying in-person events in large-ish (or even small-ish) groups. And that means we've been streaming more online events than ever before, including Dan Savage's HUMP! festival, and the stoner valhalla that is SPLIFF. To help readers keep track of all the stuff we're hoping to put on your TV, phone, tablet, or PC screens, we've rounded up all our offerings into the handy guide below!

EVERY WEDNESDAY

Virtual Silent Reading Party
The first worldwide silent-reading party was such a huge success that we're making it weekly. Every Wednesday (6 pm, $5-20) we're going to throw these parties, at least until stay-at-home is over. Attendees at the first Zoom silent-reading party included famous actors, writers, composers, artists, families, teenagers doing their homework, people staring into space listening to the music because it was just so beautiful, cats, and even one household on Orcas Island that was eating dinner and decided to broadcast the reading party as their background music. (What a brilliant idea!) It wasn't just a great party to be at. CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE

EVERY SECOND & FOURTH MONDAY

Collide-O-Scope
The mind-melting video compilation extravaganza also known as Collide-O-Scope will stream obscure oddities from film, VHS, music videos, and other forms of media live on the internet.
$5-$20

ON DEMAND

Charles Mudede's Police Beat
Police Beat, a fictional film I made with the director Robinson Devor (we also made Zoo), is also a documentary about a Seattle that's recovering from the dot-com crash of 2000 (a crash that sent Amazon's shares falling from nearly $100 apiece to $6—they're now around $2,400), and entering its first construction boom of the 21st century (between 2005 and 2008). The hero of my film, the police officer Z (played by the beautiful but sadly late Pape Sidy Niang), could actually afford a little Seattle house on his salary (around $45,000). The median price of houses in 2003 was a lot (about $300,000) but not out of reach for a middle-class immigrant with a stable job. Lastly, the film is a documentary about Seattle's beautiful and virid parks. How I love them all and wanted to film them all: Volunteer Park, Freeway Park, the Washington Park, Madison Park, the parks on either side of the Montlake Cut. So green, so urban, so natural. CHARLES MUDEDE
$5-$20

SPLIFF 2019
A new vibe of stoner entertainment is emerging—witness the rise of Broad City, High Maintenance, and basically every TV show created on Viceland. And—most importantly—SPLIFF, your new favorite film festival created by the stoned for the stoned. Because we can no longer congregate in person, we're rescreening the 2019 festival online! Got some weed on hand? Check it out from the comfort of your home. All contributions received will be shared with the filmmakers.
$5-$15

SPLIFF 2020
If you didn't get a chance to watch this year's SPLIFF Film Festival—featuring short cannabis-themed films made by stoners just like YOU—in its livestreamed glory on 4/20, you can now see the 22 weed-inspired shorts, hosted by fabulous local drag queens Betty Wetter and Cookie Couture, on-demand. Tune in for funny psychedelic trip-outs, stoned flying cats, side-splitting animation, aggressive dolphins, sexy shenanigans, wandering potatoes, and more wild and crazy stuff.
$10-$20

MAY 22–JUNE 13

CoFF - Confinement (online) Film Festival: Volume I
With everyone cooped up in their respective abodes, we challenged artsy laypeople everywhere to submit short films that express our current reality of social distancing and self-quarantine. From poignant vignettes to dystopian nightmares to sexy stuff to mini-dramas, the results are just as varied as you might expect. Watch it live online and vote online for your favorites. (The categories are "Most Creative," "Funniest," "They Lost Their Goddamn Mind," and Most Poignant.")
$15-$25

Support The Portland Mercury

MAY 23–JUNE 12

15th Annual HUMP! Film Festival 2020 – Livestreamed!
We were crushed to cancel our originally planned spring re-screenings of HUMP!, but after receiving enthusiastic support and permission from the filmmakers to show their films online, they knew that the show must go on! Even if we can’t watch together in movie theaters, we can still watch the 16 all new, sexy short films, curated by Dan Savage, in the privacy and safety of our homes. Dan will introduce the show, and then take you straight to the great dirty movies that showcase an amazing range of shapes, colors, sexualities, kinks and fetishes!
$25


MAY 30–JUNE 20

Quarantine Book Club: 'The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie'
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie is a captivating story of betrayal. Modern Library lists it as one of the 100 best novels of the 20th century. It was eventually made into a movie starring Maggie Smith, who won a best actress Oscar for playing Miss Jean Brodie. At the end of the four weeks, we will watch the movie together, and compare it to the book. I just taught The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie as a book-club class at Hugo House over the course of four weeks this past winter, and it went really well, all the students loved the book, and one of them, amazingly, was the bestselling novelist Maria Semple. I loved teaching this class so much, and I want to make it accessible to as many people as possible, so I'm offering it (just like we do the silent-reading party) on a sliding scale for the four weeks. Pay what you can. CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE
$75-$150

JUNE 4

Savage Love Livestream
Our own sex advice columnist, podcaster, pundit, and public speaker Dan Savage will answer your most intimate quandaries in a live virtual edition of Savage Love. All proceeds will be donated to local food distribution organization Northwest Harvest.
$10-$100