Acting Homeland Security Chief Chad CHAD! Wolf giving a pep talk to Federal officers in Portland before they go out to gas and kidnap peaceful protesters.
Acting Homeland Security Chief Chad "CHAD!" Wolf giving a pep talk to Federal officers in Portland before they go out to gas and kidnap peaceful protesters. Courtesy DHS

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

• In great news for us media types who law enforcement loves to tear gas and harass, U.S. District Judge Michael Simon has allowed the ACLU to lump federal officers in with the Portland Police in a lawsuit designed to make them stop targeting journalists (like the Mercury who's listed as one of the plaintiffs) as well as legal observers. Kelly Simon of the ACLU had this to say: "[Federal and local officers] cannot disperse, or target with direct force, those trying to document the truth about what is happening in our communities.”

• Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, Portland is on the lips of EVERYBODY across the nation today, thanks to Trump's head of Homeland Security, Chad "CHAD!" Wolf, traipsing into town and making a dangerous situation exponentially worse by encouraging further violence on mostly peaceful protesters by federal officers. Last night the feds fired an overwhelming amount of tear gas and munitions at demonstrators for the crime of (*checks notes*) chanting peacefully. Meanwhile, across town, Portland Police bullied protesters away from the east precinct and made multiple arrests, including occasional Mercury journalist, Andrew Jankowski. (By the way Andrew was not only bailed out, but made the most fabulous exit from jail I've ever witnessed. Chef's kiss!) For a full accounting of the protests, read today's edition of Good Morning, News.

• U.S. Attorney for Oregon Billy Williams has asked for an investigation into the federal officers (the same ones who swooped in and snatched up law-abiding protesters into an unmarked van) for detaining Portland civilians without probable cause.

• In a move that's not shady at all (jk, it's super shady), Portland Police Union boss Daryl Turner met with Trump cohort/DHS head Chad "CHAD!" Wolf who, by the way, refused to invite Mayor Wheeler or Police Chief Lovell to the meeting. Our Alex Zielinski has more on this totally shady meet-up.

• HEY! YEAH, YOU! THE ONE WHO'S PLANNING A SOCIAL GET-TOGETHER THIS WEEKEND! Gov. Kate Brown says YOU and your unnecessary gatherings are behind the surge in new coronavirus cases that's stopping our economy, keeping our kids out of school, and in short, ruining everything for everybody. So CUT IT THE FUCK OUT.

• Speaking of COVID, today the Oregon Health Authority reported 307 new positive coronavirus cases, and five new deaths since yesterday. (Did I mention that Oregon deaths are also significantly ramping up because of your unnecessary social get-togethers? Because they are.)

• In sporty-sports news, the beloved Portland Thorns pulled a surprise goal out of their hats against rivals North Carolina Courage and have now advanced to the semifinal round of the NWSL Challenge Cup.

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• Oh dear god, make it stop: Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has announced that her cancer has returned, BUT! BUT! BUT! She has no intention of retiring from the Supreme Court. Seriously, folks. My heart can't take much more.

• More bad news for Trump: According to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll, a majority of Americans disapprove of the president's bungling of the coronavirus crisis.

• In a pretty slick move to sidestep our racist president, Defense Secretary Mark Esper made a list of all the flags that can be allowed to be displayed in Defense Department buildings... aaaaaaand it does not include Confederate flags. Boo-hoo-hoo, racists!

• Because they really don't want America to know how stupidly dangerous it is to send kids back to school this fall: "White House blocks CDC from testifying on reopening schools next week."

• Look out... it's WEATHER TIME: Those clouds outside are gonna blow away to reveal a very sunny weekend with highs in the 80s.

• And finally, here's the brilliant Sarah Cooper with another side-splitting Trump lip sync! BRAVA!