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If its Trumps corrupt plan to hobble the USPS before election day, its working.
If it's Trump's corrupt plan to hobble the USPS before election day, it's working. Scott Olson / Getty News

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! You know I hate it when I'm left on read—but he make it all up in the bed. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

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• Oregon State Troopers are pulling out of Portland where they've been assisting local and federal police in trying to corral Black Lives Matter protesters. Apparently their two week agreement is up, and besides, according to spokesman Capt. Timothy R. Fox who's apparently making a snide commentary on how the new MultCo DA is refusing to prosecute non-violent protesters, “We’re in a county that’s not going to prosecute this criminal behavior.” HAHAHAHAAAAA! Okay. So long, snowflake!

• And... will you look at that? The Oregon State Troopers leave and Portland had the most calm night of demonstrations in months. Huh.

• An audit released today by the Portland City Auditor’s office discovered that local officers and prosecutors who are assigned to monitor privately-funded zones—like graffiti removal or extra security details—are not getting enough oversight. Our Alex Zielinski has more!

• After incredible, ongoing pressure from students, Portland State University is finally disarming their campus police force more than two years after a Black man, Jason Washington, was shot and killed by campus officers. Our Blair Stenvick has the details.

• Malheur County, which borders Idaho, is getting sent back down to Phase 1 by Gov. Kate Brown, after the county was unable to control its coronavirus spread.

• Our beloved Blazers pulled out another miraculous squeaker of a performance (much thanks to Dame, of course) by beating the Brooklyn Nets 134-133 and forcing a play-in series with Memphis... and if victorious? A shot at the #1 seed LA Lakers.


• Trump confessed that he's denying funds to the US Postal Service so they won't be able to process mail-in voting for this November's election, and yet? Guess who's requested a Florida mail-in ballot for himself?

• In more disturbing Postal Service news: "The Post Office Is Deactivating Mail Sorting Machines Ahead of the Election."

• Want more scary Post Office news? Fine! The US Postal Service is warning Pennsylvania and Washington that due to slow-downs (caused by Trump's corrupt shenanigans) voters in those states may not be able to return their mail-in ballots by election day.

• To the surprise of no one, Trump is helping spread blatantly untrue (and racist!) "birtherism" conspiracy theories about Kamala Harris.

• But speaking of lies, don't miss this priceless video of HuffPost reporter S.V. Dáte asking Trump in a press conference if he "regrets all the lying you've done to the American people." *CHEF'S KISS*

• Thanks to incessant GOP greed and callousness, there still isn't an agreement on a coronavirus relief bill and congress has left for vacation which leaves the rest of America... up shit creek, I guess?

• A government watchdog has announced that the leaders of the Department of Homeland Security, Chad "CHAD!" Wolf and Ken Cuccinelli, are not qualified to do their jobs. This is not news, but I appreciate the sentiment!

• OH NO! Wait... who's Cody Simpson?

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• Want to support the Mercury AND look like a million bucks? Buy our newest "RESIST" T-shirt created by local artist Sloane Leong that comes in black, white, yellow, and teal and is perfect for anyone who wants to protest in style!

Illustration: Sloane Leong

• Now let's squint skyward at the WEATHER: 89 degrees and wicked sunny today, but look out! We're hitting triple digits this weekend!

• And finally, I'm sorry... only a monster can't appreciate pistachio ice cream.

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