Nosferatu (AKA Trumps senior racism advisor Stephen Miller) catches COVID too.
Nosferatu (AKA Trump's senior racism advisor Stephen Miller) catches COVID too. Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

• TOP STORY: Our COVID-infected president once again proves he is incapable of learning ANYTHING from his past mistakes, and has instructed his drooling Republican minions to kill all talks on a coronavirus relief plan until "after I win" the election. (Note: Right before Trump's idiotic announcement, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell insisted a stimulus plan was absolutely necessary to get the economy back on track.) Trump also instructed Senate Majority Turtle Mitch McConnell to instead spend his time pushing through anti-abortion conservative Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court. IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE'S BEGGING AMERICA TO HATE HIM MORE. (And I bet we can rise to the occasion!)

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• Oregon's COVID-19 testing capacity is about to double, meaning the state will be able to perform up to 80,000 tests a week until the end of the year, which will hopefully translate to curbing the state's rising infection rate.

• This new infusion of state-wide COVID-19 tests could also change the metrics Oregon is using to decide whether or not to physically send kids back to school.

• Portland mayoral candidate Sarah Iannarone is taking the city auditor to court to make her enforce the campaign spending limit that was broken when Mayor Ted Wheeler loaned his campaign $150,000 of his own money.

• Today in "Malheur Militia member Ammon Bundy is still an asshole" news: "Idaho high school football game canceled after Ammon Bundy refuses to wear mask."

IN MORE NATIONAL NEWS

• As of this afternoon, seven members of the Trump administration and over a dozen more who have been in contact with them have tested positive for COVID-19. AND THIS JUST IN: Make that EIGHT members of the Trump administration as it's just been announced that senior racism advisor/white nationalist sympathizer Stephen Miller has tested positive for coronavirus. (Happy clap! Happy clap!)

• The infected President Trump is still pretending he isn't infected and is planning to participate in his second debate with Joe Biden on October 15—but who knows what'll happen by then, right? Fingers crossed!

• Veep Mike Pence is pitching a hissy-fit over the plexiglass shield meant to stop him from spreading Trump's COVID germs all over Kamala Harris at their debate tomorrow night. (I think he's really afraid of the shield not protecting him from Kamala's zingers. GOOD LUCK, PENCE! You will surely need it.)

• Doctors are losing their minds over Trump's comments that coronavirus is just like the flu, and than America is learning to live with it. "Comparing flu to Covid-19 is not only poor optics," said infectious disease specialist Dr. Peter Chin-Hong. "It's just morally reprehensible."

• SPEAKING OF "THE FLU": Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman Gen. Mark Milley along with many of the Pentagon's top leaders are quarantining after being exposed to the coronavirus.

• A white Texas police officer has been charged with the murder of Jonathan Price, a Black man who was fatally shot while peacefully walking away from the cop.

• Good news: The McCloskeys—the Ken and Karen who pointed their guns at Black Lives Matter marchers in St. Louis—have been indicted by a grand jury and could eventually lose their law licenses as well as spend time in jail HA HA HA!

• Today in 'HULK SMASH!!" news: "Man dressed as Hulk charged with smashing Trump’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star."

• Sad rock 'n' roll news: Eddie Van Halen, the guitar virtuoso for Van Halen, has lost his battle with cancer and is dead at the age of 65.

Support The Portland Mercury

• In these terrifying times, don't you need a good, wholesome scare? Get your tickets now for SLAY—the short, eight-minute-or-less HORROR film festival from the makers of HUMP! Debuting Oct 15-31!

• The WEATHER REPORT: You can expect another mostly sunny day tomorrow with a high of 76.

• And finally, yes, by all means, let's hear more from Trump's doctors.