What can I say? Hes just got a slappable face.
What can I say? He's just got a slappable face. Getty Images

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

• Without any consideration for those living in the surrounding neighborhood, federal agents shot munitions and a voluminous amount of tear gas at a small group of demonstrators protesting Portland's ICE headquarters last night. “I thought I was going to die” said one neighbor who has a lung disease and was unaffiliated with the protest. “I used my inhaler and things didn’t get better.”

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• Portland Public Schools have announced they will not be returning to in-person classes until at least February, citing health metrics that aren't trending in a positive direction. Reminder that staying safe and abiding by the rules will get our kids back to class sooner, sooooo... WASH YA DAMN HANDS, WEAR YA DAMN MASKS, AND KEEP YA DAMN DISTANCE!

• The University of Oregon has an alarming number of positive COVID-19 cases—but the cause isn't attending classes, it's the PARTIES.

• Speaking of which, the Oregon Health Authority is reporting an additional 305 positive coronavirus cases and two more deaths since yesterday, and infections are definitely on the rise in schools.

• Meanwhile in Washington state, Gov. Jay Inslee is relaxing some lockdown activities in second- or third-phase counties, allowing bars to stay open until 11 pm and increasing the number of people able to sit at restaurant tables.

• Need some new music to soothe that savage mind? Then check the latest new Portland music of the week with Jenni Moore's column "Refresh Playlist."

IN NATIONAL NEWS

• The Vice Presidential debate between Mike Pence and Kamala Harris kicks off at 6 pm PST tonight in Salt Lake City, moderated by Susan Page, USA Today's Washington bureau chief—and here's hoping it won't make you vomit like the last one featuring the infectious Trump.

• Psst! And just so ya know, according to experts, that plexiglass shield that will be dividing the potentially infectious Pence from Harris at tonight's debate probably won't protect her much at all.

• Because he does not give an iota of a shit about the safety of those around him. the COVID-infected Trump has moved back into the Oval Office. (Or maybe that's just where he hides his extra steroids?)

• Well, here's a first: The New England Journal of Medicine has issued their first ever presidential endorsement, asking voters to kick Trump out of office for blatantly ignoring the coronavirus and causing the deaths of untold thousands.

• Former U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions and deputy Rod Rosenstein were two of the primary drivers behind the ghastly decision to separate the children of immigrants from their parents and subsequently cage them, according to a 2018 draft report from the Justice Department.

• Here's why you can't reason with idiots: "QAnon Believers Say Being Banned From Facebook Is Proof of the Conspiracy."

• It's time to play "GET TO KNOW TRUMP'S PICK FOR THE SUPREME COURT, AMY CONEY BARRETT!" Did you know that besides being an anti-abortion crusader, Barrett was also a member of a Christian sect called People of Praise whose beliefs include a male-dominated hierarchy and practicing "shared living, faith healing and speaking in tongues"? But wait, wait, WAIT... it gets better! Did you know that, while in this group, Barrett also held the title of "handmaid"? (Something tells me that Margaret Atwood knew the answer to both those questions.)

• In these terrifying times, don't you need a good, wholesome scare? Get your tickets now for SLAY—the short, eight-minute-or-less HORROR film festival from the makers of HUMP! Debuting Oct 15-31!

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• The WEATHER REPORT: So long, sun! Tomorrow you can expect a cloudy, cool day with a high of 68.

• And finally, if you find yourself getting upset during the vice presidential debate tonight, just watch this.