Feds sue to break up Facebook, despite Zuckerbergs convincing human flesh suit.
Feds sue to break up Facebook, despite Zuckerberg's convincing human flesh suit. Chip Somodevilla / Staff / Getty

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

• Yesterday around 200 protesters clashed with and eventually chased away members of the Portland Police who were trying to foreclose on a Black and Indigenous family residence known as the "Red House" on North Mississippi. Today the area has been barricaded and still remains occupied and guarded by protesters, while Mayor Ted Wheeler announced last night that police will “use all lawful means to end the illegal occupation.” As expected, Police Chief Lovell released an inflammatory denouncement of the protest, that I'm sure will play well on Fox News. (You know, for a city that's so intent on improving our national reputation, the cops and the mayor seem more intent on making it worse.)

• Three Portland Police officers have been removed from protest duty while they are being investigated for violating a court order and using excessive force on journalists and legal observers.

• Related: Today Portland City Council unanimously passed a resolution demanding that Portland Police ask for permission before purchasing certain militarized weaponry, including explosive impact munitions, armored vehicles, drones, and specialized firearms. Our Alex Zielinski has more!

• If you're a fan of "Detroit-style" pizza, our Suzette Smith reviews not one but TWO new local Detroit-style pizzerias in the latest edition of "Takeout Club"!

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• The Federal Trade Commission along with 46 states are suing to break up Facebook, claiming that the megalomaniacal social media company squashed competition by purchasing their rivals in order to secure their dominance over the industry. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg responded to the lawsuit by saying, "Bleep. Bloop. How. can. I. learn. to. 'love'?"

• While the UK's first day of COVID vaccinations were a reason to rejoice, health officials are looking closely at two recipients who had allergic reactions to the vaccine—both had histories of allergies and are recovering. Meanwhile Canada has approved the Pfizer vaccine and is expected to start administering shots next week. (Don't worry, Justin Bieber has been pushed to the end of the line.)

• Prepare for your head to explode off your goddamn neck: According to a new AP-NORC poll, only about half of Americans even want to take the coming COVID vaccine, while a quarter say they aren't sure, and another quarter are refusing completely. (Roughly 70 percent of the country needs to be vaccinated in order to accomplish herd immunity—YOU SELFISH BUTTHOLES!)

• Nearly 30 members and staff of the Michigan House of Representatives have tested positive for the coronavirus a week after the also infected Rudy Giuliani testified there... without a mask. (When is the CDC going to declare his farts "a public health risk"?)

• Dems are roundly rejecting a White House stimulus plan which offers another direct payment to Americans—but it's only half as much as the check delivered in March.

• Today in UNNNNGGGGHHHH: Fourteen hate groups—including those espousing white supremacy and homophobia—somehow received $4.3 million in Paycheck Protection Program loans.

• Hunter Biden, son to the president-elect, says his taxes are being investigated by federal officials in Delaware, who APPARENTLY, were not sent by Trump or any of his many conspiracy theory-spouting stooges.

• Georgia's Republican lieutenant governor is telling his GOP pals that they should accept the election results, otherwise he's "very worried that this affects our brand." HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I'd say they're exactly "on brand"!

• You have sex and/or relationship problems (or like to hear about those who do), right? Then don't miss the hilarious SAVAGE LIVESTREAM—in which the honorable Dan Savage answers all your sexy questions LIVE. It's this Saturday, Dec 12... don't you dare miss it!

Support The Portland Mercury

• This Thursday, Dec 10: It's your last chance to catch "HUMP! Greatest Hits, Vol. 2" featuring the sexiest short flicks from the past 15 years of festivals! (Look, you NEED this. GET THOSE TIX NOW!)

• THE WEATHER REPORT: Rain in the afternoon tomorrow with a high of 46!

• And finally, looking for a reason NOT to wear your mask? Well, THIS... probably won't help.