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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! If you feel like dancing, well come on, it's up to you. We got the sound to keep you getting down, down... the train is coming through. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
⢠JUSTICE IS COMING FOR DONALD TRUMP: Nancy Pelosi says the articles of impeachment against our wildly corrupt former president will be delivered to the Senate on MONDAY, much to the chagrin of professional obstructionist and Senate MINORITY Turtle Mitch McConnell who was trying to tap the brakes. The actual trial could be delayed to allow Trump time to mount his indefensible defense.
Referring to his client as âthe guy with the horns and the fur,â attorney Al Watkins said the rioter âregrets very, very muchâ that he was tricked by Trump https://t.co/PhM5tkIioz
â The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) January 22, 2021
⢠It's gonna be another YUUUGE day for President Biden. Yesterday, he announced a planâan actual for-real COVID prevention plan!âwhich included invoking the Defense Production Act, as well as asking for more workplace protections, requirements for masks on planes, trains, and buses, and quarantines for international travelers coming into the United States. (Experts LOVE this plan, btw.) Today he's pushing a financial relief plan for Americans that includes expanding food stamps, boosting unemployment, and clearing a path for federal workers to make a $15 minimum wage.
⢠Speaking of big ideas, Biden's new immigration plan includes providing a lot more protections for children crossing the border, along with letting them apply for refugee or asylum status, and more humane treatment of migrants. But SURPRISE! Racist Republicans hate that idea, and it may be tough to get (or rather, find) 10 non-racist GOP Senators to hop onboard with the plan.
Leader Schumer: Mitch McConnell's filibuster demand is "unacceptable and it won't be accepted."
â Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) January 22, 2021
⢠Speaking of corrupt Republicans who are unfit to serve, Capitol Police are investigating whether GOP Rep. Andy Harris tried to sneak a gun onto the House floor. Meanwhile, Democrats are launching an ethics investigation into GOP pee-holes Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley for their involvement in the domestic terrorist attack on the Capitol.
⢠Some governors are rightly mad that their National Guard members who were deployed to protect the inauguration were sent to sleep in a (eww) parking garage. While the soldiers were eventually invited back into the Capitol, three governors are bringing their troops home.
⢠GOOD NEWS: Retired Gen. Lloyd Austin has been confirmed as the first Black secretary of defense. ALSO GOOD NEWS: "White House website allows users to specify pronouns for first time."
â˘Â MORE GOOD NEWS: Trump has left the Oval Office to return to running his hotels and resorts, which (uh-oh!) are now in dire financial shape including losing more than $120 million in revenue last year, as well as the defection of lots of longtime bankers and customers due to his horrible, corrupt reputation. (Bad news for him, good news for us!)
⢠BAD NEWS: Comedian Dave Chappelle has tested positive for coronavirus (but he's asymptomatic), and had to cancel a slate of shows. GOOD NEWS: Podcasting shit-head Joe Rogan, who was also on the tour, had his shows cancelled as well. HA-HA-HA.
â˘Â SAD NEWS:
Hank Aaron dies at 86. He used his Hall of Fame baseball career as a platform to champion civil rights. https://t.co/5F4dS6waxH
â The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) January 22, 2021
âI never doubted my ability, but when you hear all your life you're inferior, it makes you wonder if the other guys have something you've never seen before. If they do, I'm still looking for it.â #HankAaron
â Eugene Scott (@Eugene_Scott) January 22, 2021
IN LOCAL NEWS:
⢠Oregon has been making big strides in setting up operational vaccine distribution sitesânow the problem is not having enough doses to make them efficient. For example, the site at the Oregon Convention Center is prepared to vaccinate 7,500 people a day, but can only give around 2,000 doses.
⢠So far Clackamas County Commissioner Mark Shull has defied fellow lawmakers and refused to resign after making online racist/transphobic remarksâhowever, one Milwaukie councilperson has a clever idea to get rid of this jerk: defund his position.
Emails show Clackamas County Commissioner Mark Shull blames âcancel cultureâ for controversy over his anti-Islam views https://t.co/mtJIjVLmoh pic.twitter.com/ePSQ81uQAw
â The Oregonian (@Oregonian) January 22, 2021
⢠Lovejoy Surgicenter began providing abortions in Portland around the same time the Supreme Court passed Roe v Wade, but it closed last week. This story by our own Blair Stenvick reflects on its legacy, and the big (though temporary) gaps in abortion access left by its closure.
â˘Â Miss the live concert-going experience? Then DO NOT MISS the new Mercury Music Series, featuring livestream performances by your fave Portland artistsâdebuting with the fantastic BLOSSOM! Coming at you January 28!
â˘Â Let the bells ring and the confetti fall! Tickets are now on sale for the super sexy HUMP! 2021 Film Festival, featuring an array of hot 'n' horny amateur dirty flicks submitted by hot people like YOU. Get your tickets now!
⢠THE WEATHER REPORT: Expect a nice sunny day with a high of 48!
⢠And finally, welp! I guess I'm going to be following Russian teen TikTokers now.
Russian TikTokers practicing their English to avoid getting arrested during Navalny protests.
âIf they try to throw you into the paddy wagon, you say, âYou are violating my human rights!ââ
pic.twitter.com/LoN6SnfbTJ
â max seddon (@maxseddon) January 21, 2021