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Six Capitol cops suspended for helping right-wing rioters; 29 under investigation.
Six Capitol cops suspended for helping right-wing rioters; 29 under investigation. Win McNamee/Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Don't waste this love, I wanna give it to you. Tell me what you got, show me what you can do. LET'S GO TO PRESS.


• Must read of the day: In her latest Hall Monitor column, our Alex Zielinski compares the outcomes of two very different 911 calls—one where the Portland Police were called to deal with dumpster divers arguing with Fred Meyer employees (and who made things exponentially worse), and another where the new Portland Street Response team of paramedics and mental health counselors deescalated a situation between a homeless person and a business owner (and actually helped matters).

• As of last night, 85,000 homes and businesses in Oregon were still without power following last week's snow/ice storm, and according to PGE, roughly 15,000 may not get their electricity back until after the weekend or beyond.

• An Oregon infant from Umatilla County has died after testing positive for COVID-19, making him the state's youngest victim of the virus so far.

• Oregon landlords who are owed back rent due to the pandemic can now apply for relief in which they'll receive 80 percent of what they're owed—that is if they agree to forgive 20 percent. Rest assured there are certain landlords who will be entitled dicks about that.

• Look, it's been a TERRIBLE week, okay? But lucky you, the hilarious Blair Stenvick is on hand to shine a spotlight on the bright side: At least we have a new Gucci store downtown!!


• Good news/bad news for beleaguered Texans who have been freezing for days: many have gotten their power restored... BUT. Now the state must contend with a water crisis from the ice-cracked pipes, wells, and treatment plants.

• But in what could've been absolutely devastating news: "Texas’ power grid was 'seconds and minutes' away from a catastrophic failure that could have left Texans in the dark for months, officials with the entity that operates the grid said Thursday."

• Sniveling worm/Texas Sen. Ted Cruz is still in boiling water after taking a vacation to sun his buns in Cancún as his constituents were freezing to death during the state's monumental crisis. He now says that "obviously it was a mistake"—obvious to everyone except the senator who has never given two shits about anyone but himself. (In other words, he's the poster boy for the entire Republican party.)

• Meanwhile Busy Bee Biden plans on contributing up to $4 billion to a World Health Organization program that will get COVID vaccines into the arms of those living in developing countries. (This is a big deal since the US and other major countries have been accused of hogging the supply.)

• Six Capitol police officers who were working during the January 6 attack have been suspended without pay for their shitty actions in aiding and abetting (and taking selfies with) the right-wing domestic terrorists—and 29 more are currently under investigation.

• Oh, here's some needed good news: Pfizer has announced that their vaccine, which previously had to be kept crazy cold thereby slowing distribution, can now be kept in normal freezers.

• Among the things that made me openly weep yesterday: NASA's Mars rover successfully touched down on the red planet to the wild cheers of nerdy techs who have been working for YEARS to reach this day. (While I don't have a dog in this particular hunt, in times like these I will celebrate any win that comes along!)

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• Let the bells ring and the confetti fall! The HUMP! 2021 Film Festival is NOW STREAMING ONLINE, featuring an array of hot 'n' horny amateur dirty flicks submitted by hot people like YOU. Get your tickets pronto!

• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Scattered showers today with a high around 48.

• And finally, Ted Cruz... EXPLAIN YOURSELF!