Surprise! Turns out the Royals are much worse than you originally suspected.
Surprise! Turns out the Royals are much worse than you originally suspected. Handout / Getty News

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Mayor Ted Wheeler is calling for an investigation into how a FALSE hit-and-run police report leveled against Commish Jo Ann Hardesty made it into the hands of a right-wing group of haters and then into a poorly worded and misleading Oregonian article. To the surprise of no one, the Portland Police Association released a terrible response that makes them look worse than ever.

• Related: Our Blair Stenvick takes a hard, smart look at the Oregonian's role and responsibility in reporting breaking stories—in particular the false report about Jo Ann Hardesty mentioned above. It's required reading for journalism students and anyone who digests news (like you!).

• Due to a rocky, frustrating rollout, the Oregon Health Authority announced that it's dramatically increasing the number of COVID-19 vaccines available to seniors to at least 15,000 doses per week for the next three weeks.

• Last Friday, Gov. Kate Brown announced that all K-5 kids should return to in-class learning by March 29, and grades 6-12 by April 19. Today she announced she's throwing more money at the problem of kids being academically left behind by spending up to $325 million in state and federal money that will go to summer programs to help students get caught up.

• The intrepid Janey Wong investigates beloved bar Blank Slate and finds a lot more than just delicious liquor drinks in the latest don't-miss edition of "Cocktail To-Go Club!"

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• At long last, the CDC has released an advisory for what the people who have been fully vaccinated against the coronavirus are allowed to do, which includes grandparents being able to visit grandkids, dining without masks indoors with other vaccinated people, and even small gatherings with those who haven't been vaccinated. For the rest of us, the mantra remains: WEAR YA DAMN MASK, WASH YA DAMN HANDS, KEEP YA DAMN DISTANCE.

• Now that Busy Bee Biden's $1.9 trillion COVID relief package has escaped the Senate, the White House says that "a large number of Americans" can expect their $1,400 checks in the mail by the end of the month.

• This may come as a shock, but the Royal Family are a bunch of royal buttholes! At least that's the general reaction after a hard-hitting Oprah interview with Meghan and Prince Harry, who leveled damaging accusations against the royals that include shocking examples of racism, and casual indifference to mental illness. (I cannot WAIT for this episode of The Crown!)

• Jury selection has been delayed in trial of Derek Chauvin—the officer who kneeled on George Floyd's neck for nearly nine minutes, resulting in his death—who is accused of second degree murder and manslaughter. The court is currently deliberating whether a third-degree murder charge should be reinstated, hence delaying jury selection for at least one day.

• In the GOP's current crusade to expand voter suppression, the Georgia Senate passed a bill that would severely limit absentee voting. It is one of the more than 100 bills currently cruising through Republican-led states to insure they'll stay in power—regardless of what voters want. Sounds fair!

• Busy Bee Biden is taking aim at one of former President Trump's evil edicts, ordering the Education Department to look at revising rules that could let colleges get away with not fully investigating sexual assaults on campus.

• Get ready to party HARD in the third installment of the Mercury Music Series, with a livestream concert from super fun Portland rapper/singer/producer FOUNTAINE, coming at ya THIS THURSDAY, March 11! Snap up those tix, babies!

• If you cannot get enough of Dan Savage, then get a LIVE dose of his sexual wisdom in this Saturday's special livestream edition of the SAVAGE LOVECAST! Get your tickets here!

• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: A cloudy but mostly dry day tomorrow with a high around 52.

• And finally, just think: One day soon this guy will have to go back to work.