Gov. Andrew Cuomo is blaming cancel culture on the many calls for him to resign, which is exactly why he can go fuck himself.
Gov. Andrew Cuomo is blaming "cancel culture" on the many calls for him to resign, which is exactly why he can go fuck himself. Pool / Getty Images

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• Gov. Kate Brown is taking a cautious approach to President Biden's announcement that he'd like adults in all states to be eligible for the vaccine by May 1. Brown wants to insure Oregon gets the vaccines that have been promised before committing—until then she's keeping our current timeline (everyone 16 and older by July 1) in place.

• In an attempt to get kids back into classrooms, and because of a serious lack of space in schools, Oregon health officials are considering lowering the six-foot distance requirement down to three feet—but only on a "gradual phased-in basis" to insure the safety of students and teachers.

• Mayor Ted Wheeler plans on asking city council to get $1.7 million in emergency funds to immediately re-establish a police patrol similar to the dissolved Gun Violence Prevention Team, which was disbanded in June 2020 after a city audit found the team disproportionately surveilled and targeted Black Portlanders. What's up with that? Our Alex Zielinski has the low-down.

• Today Multnomah County moves from "high" to "moderate risk" level which means restaurants, bars, gyms, and other businesses can move to 50 percent capacity. It also means more people are allowed at home gatherings... but please do not go nutz. It's still vitally important to WEAR YA DAMN MASK, WASH YA DAMN HANDS, AND KEEP YA DAMN DISTANCE.


• Welp, this headline just about says it all: "Cuomo Says He Won’t Bow to ‘Cancel Culture’ and Rejects Calls to Resign." Oh, they did leave one part out, which is "Fuck you, Andrew Cuomo, but thanks for letting us know that you aren't worth saving. IMPEACH HIS ASS."

• And if that isn't enough, not only have Reps. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Jamaal Bowman called on Gov. Andrew Cuomo to resign, Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer and Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand have joined the dog-pile as well. THAT SHITHEAD HAS GOT TO GO.

• The US has met and surpassed Biden's initial goal for vaccinations, administering 100 million shots as of today. Not so great news: A new AP-NORC poll confirms what we already suspected—people of color have been taking the hardest hit from the virus and economic downturn.

• The City of Minneapolis has settled a lawsuit with the family of George Floyd who was callously murdered by former officer Derek Chauvin, and will be paying them $27 million—which is thought to be the largest pretrial settlement ever for a civil rights claim.

• Sad celeb news: Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez—known in gossip circles as "J-Rod" eww—have reportedly split up after four years of dating and two years of engagement.

• In equally sad celebrity news: "WandaVision Star Paul Bettany Reveals He Wore a Fake Butt."

• If you cannot get enough of Dan Savage, then get a LIVE dose of his sexual wisdom in this Saturday's special livestream edition of the SAVAGE LOVECAST! Get your tickets here!

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• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Another glorious sunny day tomorrow but expect some possible showers on Sunday!

• And finally, for those of you who need TWO versions of Olivia Rodrigo's "Driver's License"... THIS IS A VERY GOOD ONE.