The CDCs Dr. Rochelle Walensky warns of impending doom if America doesnt tighten up COVID safety.
The CDC's Dr. Rochelle Walensky warns of "impending doom" if America doesn't tighten up COVID safety. Pool / Getty Images

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

IN LOCAL NEWS:

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• The Oregon Psilocybin Advisory Board will hold its first meeting this week, and is tasked with figuring out how therapeutic psilocybin use should work—something no state has done before. Our Blair Stenvick has a fascinating preview of what they'll be tackling over the next two years.

• Tomorrow the Oregon House will vote on whether or not to make Juneteenth—the day in 1865 commemorating the day slaves in Galveston, Texas were told they were finally free—a state holiday.

• A bunch of dumb dummies (AKA Trump supporters and Proud Boys) clomped around at the state capitol yesterday and were met by more than one hundred counter-protesters. Things were thrown and at least one Trumper pulled a gun—because they are incapable of reacting to any disagreement with anything other than abject terror.

• Our Janey Wong stopped by República to try their delicious drinks and also got a quick masters class in mezcal! Find out what she learned in the latest episode of "Cocktail To-Go Club!"

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• Today marked day one of the Derek Chauvin murder trial—the former Minneapolis police officer who killed George Floyd by brutally kneeling on his neck for (what we now know) was more than nine minutes. The prosecution showed disturbing video of the killing, bystanders gave chilling testimony, and a martial arts expert testified that the move Chauvin used on Floyd is called a "blood choke"—the purpose of which is to cut off air flow to the victim.

• COVID-19 cases are on the rise again, and the CDC is predicting "impending doom" if Americans don't re-tighten basic safety measures such as WASHING YOUR DAMN HANDS, WEARING YOUR DAMN MASKS (which is what Biden is telling states to do), and KEEPING YOUR DAMN DISTANCE.

• Top docs in the Trump administration are now—FINALLY—admitting that the former president willfully spread lies about COVID. Former White House coronavirus coordinator Deborah Birx also added that most of the deaths after the first 100,000 could have been prevented. (Would've been nice if you'd said that last year, Deb!)

• In more positive coronavirus news, a CDC report says that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are not only tremendously effective, they also help stop the spread of the virus.

• After Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp removed his state's mask mandate, guess who's now in quarantine after a COVID-19 exposure? (I won't keep you in suspense... it's Kemp!)

• Alright everybody... You may now cease your memes! The massive container ship blocking the Suez Canal has been freed.

• Because apparently they have nothing better to do, Nike is suing a Brooklyn design studio for selling the "Satan Shoes" worn in the glorious Lil Nas X video “Montero (Call Me by Your Name)"—you know, the one where he twerks on Satan's lap.

• HELLO, STONERS! You will be pleased to know that SPLIFF—the short flick film festival about cannabis and all things "stoned"—is kicking off April 16-24 and you can get your tickets NOW. (So hurry up before you forget... because you know you will.)

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• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: A nice sunny day tomorrow and a balmy high of 56!

• And finally, on average, which cat are YOU in this situation?