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Vomit-inducing Reps. Gaetz and Greene appear together on the same stage, and... excuse me... BLAAAARGHHH.
Vomit-inducing Reps. Gaetz and Greene appear together on the same stage, and... excuse me... BLAAAARGHHH. Megan Varner / Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Common love seems just like a dream, it's no mystery to me. Fills me within when we're together... oh, baby, can't you see? LET'S GO TO PRESS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• As we head into Memorial Day weekend, here's your reminder that the PANDEMIC ISN'T OVER: While COVID-19 cases have fallen dramatically in Oregon (at least among those who have been vaccinated), we have passed the grim milestone of 200,000 cases since the pandemic began, and the scary, and the highly transmissible B.1.617 virus, which has devastated India ,has arrived in our state as well.

• Despite their best efforts to squirm out of responsibility, the Portland Business Alliance—which represents the needs of the wealthiest of downtown business owners—has been found guilty by the city auditor of 25 violations in which they refused to report the times they were lobbying city officials.

• Two Tacoma, Washington police officers have been rightly charged with murder while another was charged with manslaughter in the death of Manuel Ellis, a Black man who was tasered, handcuffed, and hogtied by the cops, all while pleading that he couldn't breathe.

• While having 8,000 fans returning to the Moda Center didn't hurt, it wasn't enough to help the Blazers last night who lost to the Denver Nuggets, 120-115.

• Looking for some cheap (and even free!) places to escape the pandemic crowds this Memorial Day weekend? Our Alex Zielinski has gathered some picks for you in our Spring Reawakening Guide!

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• The Russian-based hacker group, Solar Winds, are at it again, targeting 150 organizations including government agencies, think tanks, and public sector groups as well, according to Microsoft.

• Meanwhile federal prosecutors are investigating Ukrainian officials who are suspected of meddling in the 2020 election, with methods that included feeding pants-tugging rube Rudy Giuliani misinformation about Biden which he would then feed to the ever-gullible Trump.

• Busy Bee Biden is expected to release another sweeping proposal that would put major investments (to the tune of $6 trillion) into infrastructure, education, climate change, and health care—all things the country desperately needs to push us past simple pandemic recovery and into fixing problems that have grown over decades of inaction. Deficit hawks (those who aren't concerned about our current or future shitty situation) don't like that idea very much!

• Get ready to be SHOCKED TO YOUR CORE: Senate Republicans are set to vote against a commission to investigate the domestic terrorist attack of the nation's capitol. Mmmmm... probably because some of them will be implicated? Just a wild hunch!

• Today in Republican back-stabbing: The lieutenant governor of Idaho stabbed Gov. Brad Little (a fellow Republican) in the back while he was out of state by enacting a mask mandate ban—even though there weren't any mask mandates to begin with? (Turns out the LG is gunning to take Little's job.) Ahhhhhh, I love it when they eat their own!

• Two of the Republicans' absolute WORST, suspected sex trafficker Rep. Matt Gaetz and super racist Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, were together on the same stage for a rally in Georgia yesterday, in which Greene mocked Mexican accents, while Gaetz advised the crowd to take up an "armed rebellion" if necessary. In other words, RIGHT ON BRAND.

SCIIIIIIENCE! The Mars helicopter suffered a navigational error during its latest test flight, sending it on a wild, bumpy ride that scared those at NASA—but it eventually righted itself and landed safely.

• You're SMART, right? Well the Mercury needs your SMART opinions to help us improve our coverage. So offer your SMART opinions in our MERCURY READER SURVEY right now, please! (You can win prizes and stuff!)

Support The Portland Mercury

• HUMP! HUMP! HUMP! If you enjoy sexy stuff (and I know you do), get your tickets NOW for HUMP's Greatest Hits, Volume 3—THIS WEEKEND—featuring some of the best short sex flicks from 15 years of HUMP! HUMP! HUMP!

• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Expect a mostly sunny day with a high of 68—and even sunnier, warmer skies this Memorial Day weekend!

• And finally, if this is grounds for disqualification, I would have been disqualified THREE TIMES this morning!