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As the Delta variant surge strengthens, the number of Oregons ICU beds runs dangerously low.
As the Delta variant surge strengthens, the number of Oregon's ICU beds runs dangerously low. Diego Ibarra Sanchez / Getty Images

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Tossing and turning, another sleepless night, the rain crashes against my window pane. Jumped into my car, didn't drive too far, that moment I knew I would never be the same. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Get ready for some intellectually bereft fireworks from the far right and anti-vaxxers: Gov. Kate Brown has issued a statewide requirement for ALL Oregon K-12 teachers, staff, and volunteers to get vaccinated against COVID-19, in order to protect children from the very transmissible Delta variant. I guess it's our turn to whine at the far right, "BUT... WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN??" Our Isabella Garcia has more.

• The number of new weekly hospitalizations due to COVID symptoms more than doubled last week, and only 6 percent of Oregon’s total ICU hospital beds are currently available... so which COVID patients will be prioritized when hospitals are pushed to capacity? Our Isabella Garcia hears from the experts.

• This Sunday is the year anniversary of far-right extremists (including the Proud Boys) and local anti-fascists duking it out in front of the Justice Center, and to celebrate, the right-wing ding-dongs are returning to stir up more shit. The mayor is asking anyone planning to instigate violence to stay away (good luck with that), and Police Chief Lovell is saying that the cops "may" arrest anyone doing anything illegal. (Rest assured, my boss "may" reconsider my employment status, if I were to ever say that I "may" do my job.)

• Several Black Portlanders have reached a settlement with the former local club owner who allegedly used discriminatory dress code practices to keep them out of an Old Town club. Our Alex Zielinski has more on this INFURIATING story.

• Workers at the Portland Nabisco bakery were asked make concessions while their company raked in record profits. In response, they launched a strike that has spread across the country. Abe Asher has the details.

• It's time once again for Portland's FAVORITE weekly brain-teaser: POP QUIZ PDX! Expect lots of fun, sassy Qs about local political scandals, weirdo Portland history, and the (in)famous "SUBJECTIVE" question of the week!

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• Rescue efforts are being hampered in Afghanistan as members of the Taliban have been reportedly beating some of the thousands of refugees who are desperately trying to get on flights out of the country at the Kabul airport. Targeted killings of Afghans by the Taliban (who are claiming they are much more "moderate" these days) are also being reported.

• One of the WORST Republicans in Congress (and that's saying a lot), Mo Brooks, showed sympathy for a suspected right-wing would-be bomber in a statement and is now justifiably getting raked over the coals by the internet and fellow lawmakers.

• Despite Texas Gov. Greg Abbott's persistent attempts to kill his constituents with a ban on masks mandates, the state's department of education is ignoring him and will not enforce his wishes—at least as long as challenges work their way through the courts.

• GOOD NEWS: The new host of Jeopardy who absolutely no one wanted, Mike Richards, has stepped down from the job after it was revealed that he had made misogynistic comments while on a podcast. For some stupid reason he will retain his job as executive producer, and says the hunt for a new host will start all over again. UMMMM... LEVAR BURTON, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

• In other ridiculous business news, OnlyFans—the site which helped support sex workers during the pandemic—has suddenly announced they will ban "sexually explicit" content... even though that's the only reason they were popular in the first place. RIP, OnlyFans.

• REJOICE! Portland’s favorite food event is HERE! Sample 37 delicious, one-of-a-kind burgers from the greatest local restaurants (and only $6 each). It’s the Mercury’s PORTLAND BURGER WEEK, coming at you ALL THIS WEEK, August 16-22!

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• Look your best (and support local journalism) by purchasing a new Mercury T-shirt! Check out this month's hot designs here! BUT HURRY, THEY GO AWAY ON AUG 22!

• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: A slight possibility of showers this morning, otherwise a mostly cloudy day with a high of 73. (And a pretty similar weekend!)

• And finally, if you're thinking about skipping your shower today... you may want to watch this.

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