I will not get vaccinated!! Wait... what do you mean Im FIRED? Wait... wait... what do you mean I wont get unemployment??
"I will not get vaccinated!! Wait... what do you mean I'm FIRED? Wait... wait... what do you mean I won't get unemployment??" Scott Eisen / Getty News

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IN LOCAL NEWS:

• To the surprise of NO ONE, Portland Police have been very resistant to changes put forth by the Department of Justice. However in the latest settlement hearing, the city says they are eager to remedy the cops' non-compliant behavior—though community activists are rightly skeptical. Our Isabella Garcia has a great informational piece that breaks it all down for you!

• The financial screws continue to turn on the Oregonians who put the rest of us in danger by refusing to get vaccinated. Now, in most cases, the state is refusing to pay out unemployment benefits for those who get fired for not getting vaxxed up.

• Healthcare providers are becoming increasingly worried they may not be able to offer instantaneous treatment to those suffering heart attacks or other serious maladies, due to the lack of hospital beds being taken up by those with COVID—the majority of whom refuse to get vaccinated.

• The workers' strike that kicked off at a Northeast Portland Nabisco factory has picked up steam nationwide, spreading to five other facilities. Here's our original reporting on the subject that explains the workers' demands.

• Entertain your brain with the latest edition of POP QUIZ PDX, our weekly trivia game featuring hilarious, sassy Qs about local scandals, Portland weirdo history, and a "subjective" question about Dr. Pepper knockoffs! (I'm sorry, but... "Dr. Perfect"?)

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

Twelve US service members in addition to more than 60 Afghans were killed today and scores more were injured in a terrorist bombing at the Kabul airport in Afghanistan, where thousands are still desperately trying to escape the country. ISIS has claimed responsibility for the attack, and President Biden gave a national address saying that the murderers will be held responsible, and vowed to complete the evacuation of American citizens and others from Afghanistan.

• According to health experts, America can expect 100,000 more COVID deaths before the year is out—unless we begin masking up in earnest, especially in public spaces. By doing so, we could cut that astronomical death toll in half.

• U.S. Capitol Police officers are suing Donald Trump, his corrupt allies, and domestic terrorist extremist groups for inspiring the January 6 attack on the nation's capitol, and the brutal abuse right-wingers inflicted upon them.

• Hey Savage Love fans! Get your tix now to see Dan Savage live and in-person on October 2 for a reading of his newest book, Savage Love from A to Z, an illustrated collection of 26 never-before-published essays! (Plus, paid attendees get their own copy of the book!)

• Alert! We've combined three of our world-famous film festivals into one, big, sexy, stoney, scary, movie showcase called the Mercury Movie Mashup! It's the best of the best from SPLIFF (our stoner film fest), SLAY (our horror film fest), and HUMP! (the little porn festival that started it all!), featuring all the blood, sex, and weed you can handle in a ONE NIGHT ONLY show at the Clinton Street Theater—go get those tix now!

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• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Chance of a teensy shower tomorrow with afternoon sun and a high of 75.

• And finally, move over, gorilla in that one commercial! Here's my new fave lip synch of "In the Air Tonight."