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Hi! Just stopping by to throw a hissy-fit about the filibuster!
"Hi! Just stopping by to throw a hissy-fit about the filibuster!" ANNA MONEYMAKER / GETTY

Hello everybody, especially those of you with a seven-foot frame and rats along your back. Would you like to know what's happening out there? TOO BAD, I'm gonna tell you anyway!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• The Oregon Health Authority held a press conference about the Omicron surge and said that we shouldn't worry, because they're getting so many tests right now. Just like, SO many, you wouldn't even believe it. Tons. This is little comfort to the thousands of people who would like a test but can't get one. (Hi.)

• Speaking of COVID, if you are able to get an appointment to get tested locally (good luck!) make sure it’s legit! The national company Center for COVID Control is now in hot water for allegedly offering bunk tests and/or phony results. It seems that the national guidance to “google COVID test near me” may have been lacking?

• Multnomah County's new-ish District Attorney Mike Schmidt is cited as the reason for the recent resignation of Multnomah County prosecutor Amber Kinney. Kinney's SEVEN PAGE resignation letter states: "In the last year and a half, not only has the forward progress women made in our office ceased, but under your leadership women have been set back decades. I’m unsure whether this failure is due to intentional gender discrimination on your part, or whether your implicit bias is running unchecked." You can read the whole letter here. DAMN!


DOUBLE DAMN.

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

• The Supreme Court, which is held by a majority of Justices who were nominated by presidents who did not win the popular vote, today ruled that President Biden's vaccine mandates for large employers are unconstitutional, because, basically, "people are exposed to all sorts of bullshit at work that we can't or won't prevent, so why should COVID be any different? What's next, reducing pollution? Making it so people don't get randomly shot??" (I paraphrase.)

• In another not-win for President Biden, sounds like his plan to eliminate the filibuster and tilt the United States closer to a place where votes matter is DOA. Senators Manchin and Sinema have thrown themselves onto their backs kicking and screaming and refusing to help anyone or anything—and so the tantrums have won the day, and possibly all future days.

• GOSSIP: Lisa Bonet and Jason Mamoa recently announced their separation. As two halves of the most most attractive couple of all time, anybody that each of them dates next will automatically be less attractive, which means that perhaps any one of us has a chance? Remember feeling hope? Now you have some!

• In case you like to eat:

• Aaand it’s back for 2022! America’s sexiest, funnest dirty movie fest, HUMP! Coming at ya starting February 24 at Revolution Hall—GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!

• And finally, here is your GBOTD (girl boss of the day). If she can hit her head on every stair and keep going, so you can you.